PARENTHOOD FOR MEN PART DEUX

I want to revisit the idea of fatherhood.

I will probably split this into two posts because I have a LOT of venting to do here, So please watch for the next post coming soon...

Now technically in my life there were four guy's whom I ought to have been able to expect to provide "fatherly guidance" for me. unfortunately they all seem to have fallen short.
Many of the ideas I have on how to raise kids (as far as they come from these "examples) are based on "that's what NOT to do when raising my kid/s".

As a young boy growing up one of the things that none of them ever did was create a bond of trust with me so that I could go to them when I had a question or worry or anything.
That MIGHT have been, in part, because of my mother's influence, and in part it could have been some stubborn selfishness on my part, I admit that I was a little spoiled at times, But looking back I would have to say they also to a man displayed selfishness of their own.

Back then as a son and now as a father I believe that if you are going to be the DAD you HAVE to do the work of the dad! and none of them did.

I barely knew my "biological father" since he and my mom got divorced before ANY of my memories kick in. but from what I have heard he wasn't to great a guy back then, and he was even physically abusive.
I would forgive him if I remembered any of the things that people claim he did.
But as it is I simply state this as a point/matter of fact.

I did meet him once when I had grown up, and I suppose we got along ok, but I never got to know him in any "meaningful" or "fatherly" way.
The time when I did meet him, after growing up, There was only the one time and he never indicated any interest in ever seeing me again. it was a meeting of strangers and that was it.

With the Second Man my mom placed as the male role model in my life, the relationship could be termed more akin to sibling rivalry.
He was too busy "fighting me" for my mother's attention to really turn into a good role model.
Mind you there were moments when he did try, ( he once gave me a peice of advice on how to handle my finances..."you need to make sure that you spend most of your money on your truck or your girl". IN THAT ORDER.)

Of course when he and my mom got divorced the relationship between the two of us dramatically improved.

The one good thing I can say he taught me was how to come to terms with your adult child when that child is now in position to make all his/her own choices. In other words how to respect the maturity of your adult child/ren.

Looking back on it, I really Wish he had taken the time to take me fishing once in a while, or other one on one moments to try to create that bond between a father and a son, Although I did enjoy horseback riding, and so did he.

I wish he would have taught me how to treat a woman PROPERLY, I wish he had taught me the simple little every day moments in life... How to shave, How to know who I am, how to be brave when everything around is going to... well bad places, how to face adversity, how to be a good husband and father. Instead I learned most of those kinds of things by hit or miss, and I missed a LOT more than I hit.



As for the third man... My mom uprooted us to move us clear across the country to be with this guy, when he turned out to be looking more for a slave than a wife she turned to me to be the man helping her in life and THAT led to him eventually threatening my life... LITERALLY.
I was told, as we were planning to move back to our home in Arizona, that "if [I] EVER was in the area again, either [he] or one of [his] sons would hunt [me] down and kill [me]".
He blamed me for the rift that HE caused between him and my mom, and threatened me with bodily harm. (I was about 16 at the time.)

That is enough for today... keep watching for the finale. It is a bit of a doozy... partly because up till now everything is past tense... in the final installment we will deal with... "current events" as it were.