Mathematics... ERRGGHH.

I am always trying to improve myself and lately I have been reviewing my maths. (as they might say in England).
When I was a child I was "diagnosed" with a math learning disability, and I think I have finally figured out how to tell people what it is like.

My brain has great difficulty in handling the more abstract math concepts. It even has trouble with easier ones if I don't review them often enough. but usually I can do "linear math" 1+1=2, 3-2=1, 3x4=12 etc...

One time I asked my math teacher at the time (Algebra) "why do people exchange letters for numbers?" to which he responded "because it is easier that way." somewhat frustrated I continued my query with this statement... "so it is easier to say a+b=c than to say 1+2=3?" and the response I got back was "oh no no... a+b=a+b!" shortly after I dropped out of that class. but this brings me right up against my point.

See to me the purpose behind doing math is to come to a conclusion. I am comfortable with 1+2 because then I reach a conclusion, 3, but to say that the answer to the question is basically the question itself, is to make the point to doing math silly. I mean this really belongs in the category of Philosophy. You are asking a question to which there is no clear answer.

I find that most of the time, the problem I encounter is that people assume! they think that my brain will pick up these abstract concepts. they think that it is really quite basic and even simple. but it isn't.
It is somewhat like math is a rainbow.
O.k. stick with me on this one.

Let's pretend I am blind, I do not have the sense to see, everyone else around me does though. They can see Light (basic math) and they can see the rainbow (advanced math) but I cannot. Now try as they might they will never be able to get me to understand what a rainbow is. I have no basis to know or understand what color is I do not even know what light is.
How about if I am simply color blind? I do know what light is but to me everything is shades of grey! so I can see the light which is analogous to light but I cannot perceive or understand the colors you are talking about.

In short to me the struggle to follow math is like being without a basic sense which others have. And all those other people can not understand why I cannot "see" like they do. Most of my teachers have had that sense. But NONE of them ever took the time to try and show me how to experience the same thing. I am a bit like Helen Keller then, I need a teacher who can come along, see my need and find a way around my disability.

I am not trying to "cop out" here, with most senses you can tell if they are lacking. A blind man stumbles and cannot react like one with sight, a deaf man fails to hear... but a man who is color blind? how do you know he is color blind? by the LACK of ability he has to distinguish. same with those who are math impaired.
I once had the head of a math department in college tell me... "it is the student's job to learn, NOT the Teachers job to teach." to which I would now say... "then Why do I, the student, pay you, the school, (and thereby the teacher) to teach me this subject?
Why don't I collect a paycheck instead for learning?" I mean if it were truly that easy, why can't I simply pick up a text book and oop learn it all right there?
That department head, I say, was the one copping out. It is like telling the blind man, "well I rearranged all the furniture, but you have to figure it all out for yourself." If I go and rearrange the furniture than I ought to have the obligation to help him learn the new layout, so he doesn't get hurt, right? Right.

Where oh where are all the Annie Sullivans? I believe... no I KNOW that if I have this experience there are probably many others out there in similar straights.

I hope you have a great day catch you on the flip side.