Gift giving 101

Gift giving time is coming up and I have some advice for all of you out there. If you are going to get something for someone try to get them what they want. I already know that some people who read this post are going to think that I am incredibly selfish or ungrateful or something but I really have to go here… I mean, I do not get it. If you want to please someone by getting them something they want, you can ask them what they want but if you do maybe you should focus on getting them what they asked for, unless what they asked for is really unreasonable due to cost or accessibility. Why do so many people want to get something for someone but they ignore what that person wants? I like the tv show Frasier. And there is one episode where Christmas is coming up and it comes out that Frasier always gets people gifts that he thinks people OUGHT to like. Or things that he thinks will “Expand their horizons” or whatever. All those gifts were wasted. It did not matter how expensive they were, they were all gifts that the recipient simply had no use for or just plain didn’t want. I once had a relative who always wanted to get me something for gift giving occasions. I loved this person very much and I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, so every time this person gave me a gift I accepted the gift graciously and made a big show of how wonderful it was that I was thought of, and it was. There was no lie or deceit involved there. I mean do not get me wrong I appreciated the sentiment behind the gift and all. The problem was that the gift/s I received were totally worthless to me. I would get things that were thought of as a good investment to collect in because they would accrue interest, and maybe be worth something someday. Well I had NO interest in collecting things like that. In fact at the time I was interested in collecting maps and baseball caps. If that is your goal get me a savings bond. Ultimately, not only did they not develop any intrinsic collectors value, most of them were lost because of moving around and the fact that I just had no place to keep them. If this person would have just asked first I could have helped them to find me a gift that would have been more… well more ME. How about, have you ever been asked “what do you want for ________________?” Put whatever gift giving occasion on that line that you want… Birthday, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, Father’s day, Mother’s day or Graduation… I mean really, If you are going to ask someone what they want for a gift giving occasion, why do you then turn around and get them something that doesn’t really fit? I have had many occasions to answer such a question. My response usually is to direct the giver(s) to my Amazon wish list. Then the people I would have most expected to go through with the opportunity afforded, that is the chance to get me something I really, that is REALLY REALLY REALLY would like, Instead go and get me something else. Something that does not really fit ME. Or they will go out and get something close to what I asked for. I remember once I asked for a portable CD player. Instead I got a tape player. The reason for the CD player was because I was trying to get rid of my tapes. Or, for example I might have things on my wish list like The first t.v. season of Monk or Psych. So they go and get me a Sherlock Holmes book, one that cost twice as much as either of those other options by the way. Now did I say I want a Sherlock Holmes book? No. But that is what I might get. The reasoning (when tactfully asked) might be along the lines of, “Well you said you like Monk and Psych and these stories are just like that… in fact they are even better because these stories are the ORIGINAL version which those shows just rip off.” Or “well this seemed like a good fit.” Or “this is Culturally classic and has better value.” Or… well you get my point. In short this is the gift GIVER trying to make the gift RECEIVER into a person that they think that person ought to be. In short you are saying then that the person you are buying for does not measure up to your expectations and that you want to change them into someone different. Now how does that sound? “Happy birthday, I think you are stupid!”? That may not be what YOU mean to say but if you use a gift giving occasion to try to make a person into something new that is what you are inadvertently saying. So if I asked for Monk or Psych, I do not necessarily want to read about some stodgy old fart running about London, doing opium, and being rude trying to deal with criminals or crimes that are boring or so distant that they do not have any interest for me. OR maybe I asked for Monk or Psych because I currently OWN all the Sherlock Holmes books already and I want to watch these because they are like Sherlock Holmes. But by you getting me that Sherlock Holmes book you are telling me that you think MY form of entertainment is just not good enough (which equals I am not good enough) and so you want to improve my tastes (make me better). O.K. enough about the giver... let's talk about the givee. If someone comes to you and asks what you want, you ought to try to be thoughtful about it. Tell them what you want, give them options and do not try to ask for things that are super expensive. Think of the position the gift giver might be in. and do not get greedy or whatever… (My Amazon wish list has a variety of things on it that I like that are both inexpensive and expensive. Both needs and wants, both fun and useful.) And when they give you a gift that is really useless (like that ceramic elephant) just smile say “thank you” be gracious and make sure that you remember who gave it to you. That way when you re-gift it, you do not give it back to the person who gave it to you. On the other hand, If you are the person who gave that ceramic elephant, remember (1) Once the gift is given it belongs to the person you gave it to. It is theirs to do with as they see fit. (2) If you see them giving it away (or selling it) do not be offended, try to keep in mind that maybe they want (or need) other things and try to be more thoughtful of the gifts you give them. Keep these tips in mind and maybe this year you will score big time in the gift giving arena.