Goodbyes

How do you say goodbye? Sometimes when you lose a friend or a loved one it is difficult to know what to do. It is hard to say goodbye to people you care for. Yesterday my friend and brother in Christ, Ed Rutter passed away; today I am mourning the loss of a good friend, confidant and counselor. He has been there for me and my family the past couple of years and it is a sad thing to nave lost him so soon. I keep finding that when I lose someone it causes me to perceive the world differently. This morning watching the sunrise, seeing the fall colors and feeling the chilly bite to the breeze, the whole experience was very different than before. I will miss Ed. I will miss his company and advice. I feel that Mercy me's song "Homesick" expresses well how I feel almost every time I lose a loved one. And I want to share it for Ed's sake this time. Good bye Ed. You have taken a little piece of us with you but we will still keep you in our hearts until we can all be together again.

A goodbye to my Mom

“Your mom has cancer!” These are devastating words to hear. And these were the words I heard over the phone just about a month ago. The doctors didn’t give her very long either. Two weeks was what I heard. They found cancer in her lungs, Breast, Bone and Brain. They started treatment and she was upbeat and she told me that she was “looking forward to watching Gabriel (My one year old son) dance at his wedding.” She was determined to fight this thing. But as the treatments went on they proved to be too taxing, too grueling for her to continue and she made the choice to stop treatment. I am devastated once again. I feel as if my heart is shattering into little tiny pieces which no one can put back together again. It hurts more than I can express. But, I want to tell you about my mom. She wasn’t perfect. No she wasn’t but she was human. And she taught me what it is like to be human. She wasn’t rich. We never had a lot of money but she did help me to see all the things we did have. She wasn’t famous. To be honest there are a lot of people who are going to be totally unmoved at her passing. BUT she was famous to me. She was MOM and if there is any name in the world that is more famous than that one I dare you to tell me what it is. She made her mistakes, and I loved her! Sometimes because of those very mistakes! As I said before, She was Human. She loved, she hurt. Much the same as all of us. And through that process she taught me how to go on even when those things happen to us. It was my mom who loved me unconditionally. She taught me to love the things she loved, Animals, Reading, Theatre, Music… I love these things. She taught me how to. There is a special bond between a mother and her child. I will miss that bond! I will miss the chance to call her and ask for her help in making sense of life, I will miss the times when I could call to tell her about the newest thing my kids are doing , I will miss the times I would call her to cry over a hurt or heartbreak. When I was growing up sometimes it seemed as if all we ever had was each other. But we were able to persevere because we knew that whatever else happened, whatever else we faced we DID have each other. We knew there was always someone else standing in our corner and backing us up. I will miss that. She did her best to raise me, and she thought, as do I, that she did a pretty good job of that. I am lucky that I found a wife as wonderful as she is. I will probably be able to go on because if that. Sure she made mistakes, we all do. But she also did A lot right! I still love her and she will always have a special place in my heart and in the hearts of her grandchildren. What I think I am most thankful for right now is that she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, which means I can see her again someday. And when that day comes I want to run into her arms and tell her how much I love her and give her a great big “Bear Hug”. Like I always used to do. I love you MOM. And I will miss you. Love Steve.

Wind reminds me of home.

I grew up in a little town in the middle of the desert. The town’s name was Winslow. I remember, when I was a kid, I thought they named it that as a joke. It sounded, to me, like people were saying WIND slow. The wind OFTEN blew there and when it did, it was never what you could call slow. (later I theorized that since the name was actually WIN slow they were just being honest because at the time it seemed our sports teams were slow to win. Most of the places I have lived though I have always been fairly comfortable with the wind. I never felt it bore me malice or ill will it just was and we got along. Unlike all the bullies it was my misfortune to encounter, seemingly on a regular basis. I would even, occasionally, feel a sort of kinship with the wind and, also occasionally, I was a little envious of the wind because it could go where it wanted, as it wanted and no one was a master of it. Sometimes I felt I could tell it or ask it to do things and in my fancies it might comply, but I was a kid then. Today though, that feeling of my youth leads me to a point where it simply reminds me of home. All the times I would walk out into the desert to get away from it all, to take some time for myself. The walks, the thoughts, the prayers, and the quiet joy of a stark beauty that surrounded me that only I was privileged to see in that moment. Good memories all. But, it doesn’t end there. The wind is a constant all around the world. And later spending time in other parts of the state… Hearing the wind rushing through the pine trees when I visited my dad’s work in the forest when he was a ranger, it sounded just like what I imagined the ocean sounding like. The nights I would sit on the rim of the Grand Canyon and watch the moonrise or the sunset. The times I would sit out in the middle of Doney Park east of Flagstaff and on a crisp cold night the only sound you would hear is the whisper of wind as it bumbled through the tumbleweeds and high grasses. Wind has always brought me comfort and it has always been a constant. I think it sums up the old saying, that “the only true constant is change”, very well. Wind brings rain and it takes it away. It creates the fun little cones or mini tornadoes, which kids in Winslow would try to catch, we called them dust devils. It scours the earth and it brings all kinds of change with it. We can see it in the media too. They use wind to mark changes. In Mary Poppins it is the wind that brings her and she promises that she will stay only until the wind changes direction. In The Wizard of Oz, it takes Dorothy on an adventure. In many different ways it has formed us as people. We get some of our old sayings from it… “the winds of war” or “the winds of change” or “gone with the wind”. O.K. that last one is a movie title. But really it has made a difference in war time and peace. It has brought storms and taken them away and given time it will reduce mountains to hills or less, and it can reduce a trailer park to sticks in seconds. It has moved us through early ships traveling across great oceans to playtime when we use it to power our paragliders, parachutes, sailboats, sail boards, and more. It has altered history. And still today we use it to provide power for our homes and we rely on it to help keep balance in the earth. Yes wind reminds me of home. But more, it allows us to move forward even while it can remind us of the past. So, for me, it is a gift from God and I am thankful for it.

Gift giving 101

Gift giving time is coming up and I have some advice for all of you out there. If you are going to get something for someone try to get them what they want. I already know that some people who read this post are going to think that I am incredibly selfish or ungrateful or something but I really have to go here… I mean, I do not get it. If you want to please someone by getting them something they want, you can ask them what they want but if you do maybe you should focus on getting them what they asked for, unless what they asked for is really unreasonable due to cost or accessibility. Why do so many people want to get something for someone but they ignore what that person wants? I like the tv show Frasier. And there is one episode where Christmas is coming up and it comes out that Frasier always gets people gifts that he thinks people OUGHT to like. Or things that he thinks will “Expand their horizons” or whatever. All those gifts were wasted. It did not matter how expensive they were, they were all gifts that the recipient simply had no use for or just plain didn’t want. I once had a relative who always wanted to get me something for gift giving occasions. I loved this person very much and I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, so every time this person gave me a gift I accepted the gift graciously and made a big show of how wonderful it was that I was thought of, and it was. There was no lie or deceit involved there. I mean do not get me wrong I appreciated the sentiment behind the gift and all. The problem was that the gift/s I received were totally worthless to me. I would get things that were thought of as a good investment to collect in because they would accrue interest, and maybe be worth something someday. Well I had NO interest in collecting things like that. In fact at the time I was interested in collecting maps and baseball caps. If that is your goal get me a savings bond. Ultimately, not only did they not develop any intrinsic collectors value, most of them were lost because of moving around and the fact that I just had no place to keep them. If this person would have just asked first I could have helped them to find me a gift that would have been more… well more ME. How about, have you ever been asked “what do you want for ________________?” Put whatever gift giving occasion on that line that you want… Birthday, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, Father’s day, Mother’s day or Graduation… I mean really, If you are going to ask someone what they want for a gift giving occasion, why do you then turn around and get them something that doesn’t really fit? I have had many occasions to answer such a question. My response usually is to direct the giver(s) to my Amazon wish list. Then the people I would have most expected to go through with the opportunity afforded, that is the chance to get me something I really, that is REALLY REALLY REALLY would like, Instead go and get me something else. Something that does not really fit ME. Or they will go out and get something close to what I asked for. I remember once I asked for a portable CD player. Instead I got a tape player. The reason for the CD player was because I was trying to get rid of my tapes. Or, for example I might have things on my wish list like The first t.v. season of Monk or Psych. So they go and get me a Sherlock Holmes book, one that cost twice as much as either of those other options by the way. Now did I say I want a Sherlock Holmes book? No. But that is what I might get. The reasoning (when tactfully asked) might be along the lines of, “Well you said you like Monk and Psych and these stories are just like that… in fact they are even better because these stories are the ORIGINAL version which those shows just rip off.” Or “well this seemed like a good fit.” Or “this is Culturally classic and has better value.” Or… well you get my point. In short this is the gift GIVER trying to make the gift RECEIVER into a person that they think that person ought to be. In short you are saying then that the person you are buying for does not measure up to your expectations and that you want to change them into someone different. Now how does that sound? “Happy birthday, I think you are stupid!”? That may not be what YOU mean to say but if you use a gift giving occasion to try to make a person into something new that is what you are inadvertently saying. So if I asked for Monk or Psych, I do not necessarily want to read about some stodgy old fart running about London, doing opium, and being rude trying to deal with criminals or crimes that are boring or so distant that they do not have any interest for me. OR maybe I asked for Monk or Psych because I currently OWN all the Sherlock Holmes books already and I want to watch these because they are like Sherlock Holmes. But by you getting me that Sherlock Holmes book you are telling me that you think MY form of entertainment is just not good enough (which equals I am not good enough) and so you want to improve my tastes (make me better). O.K. enough about the giver... let's talk about the givee. If someone comes to you and asks what you want, you ought to try to be thoughtful about it. Tell them what you want, give them options and do not try to ask for things that are super expensive. Think of the position the gift giver might be in. and do not get greedy or whatever… (My Amazon wish list has a variety of things on it that I like that are both inexpensive and expensive. Both needs and wants, both fun and useful.) And when they give you a gift that is really useless (like that ceramic elephant) just smile say “thank you” be gracious and make sure that you remember who gave it to you. That way when you re-gift it, you do not give it back to the person who gave it to you. On the other hand, If you are the person who gave that ceramic elephant, remember (1) Once the gift is given it belongs to the person you gave it to. It is theirs to do with as they see fit. (2) If you see them giving it away (or selling it) do not be offended, try to keep in mind that maybe they want (or need) other things and try to be more thoughtful of the gifts you give them. Keep these tips in mind and maybe this year you will score big time in the gift giving arena.

Can we really make it all safe?

I heard a rather silly commercial on the radio the other day. In the commercial they asked us to all think about all the different things that people said would never happen, manpowered flight, Women allowed to vote, going to the moon. Then they stated that they had a goal of making it so “no child will ever have to die from a preventable cause.” They tried to convince me (us?) that this was a goal that could be accomplished just like all the examples they cited before. Here is the issue with which I have a problem. Any time that we work to prevent a death or event like that from happening we create a situation where the same conclusion can occur simply from a different cause. Look at it like this. My 6 year old daughter is interested in cooking and we are helping her learn to cook. Now in the kitchen she could drop a knife and cut a major artery and she dies. Or she could spill hot grease on herself and burn herself to the point that she dies. Or she could scald herself again to the point where she does not survive. ALL of these are preventable deaths. BUT if she does not learn how to cook she could end up dying of starvation when something happens that is unavoidable (she grows up and moves out on her own. Her mother and I die and she cannot fend for herself. Whatever.) Those second chances are also preventable… by teaching her how to cook. For that matter if she gets a hold of water that is full of disease that could kill her that is a preventable death. But the way to prevent it is to keep her from drinking. That means that she will die of dehydration… A preventable death. But if we give her water, water that is safe to drink because we filtered it and boiled it and made sure there are NO microbes at all… then she drowns while trying to drink it… that is a preventable death. The only way to make sure she does not drown or choke to death while eating or drinking is to keep all food and drink away from her. By keeping food and drink out of her reach, I am preventing her from dying from choking, and the statistics on how many children die that way are still fairly grim. But by denying her access to food and drink she will starve to death or die of dehydration. Which is preventable by my giving her food and drink, it becomes a catch 22. In short there is really no way whatsoever to stop a child from dying from a preventable death without opening that child to another way to die from preventable causes. What I mean to say is, almost all deaths are, in some way, preventable You can prevent a child from ever dying in a vehicular accident. Never let the child go anywhere. If the child never boards a plane, never gets in a car, never goes on a bus, the child will never be in a position to die in a vehicle. But then you better not let the child out of the house they might run in the street in front of a car or bus and then… But if you keep the child in the house all the time that child never gets the health benefits of exercise outdoors and so he/she dies from poor health. A preventable death. I guess the real problem I had with that commercial starts with the fact that they never defined what is a preventable death. As far as I know, when it comes to children, There are no “natural causes” that really apply to children in death. But in endeavoring to prevent one, most of the time, you will risk another. Are there things that can cause death in a child, which we can prevent? Yes. Are these things that do not put the child’s health or life at further risk? Yes. But part of life is risk. I take a risk getting out of bed in the morning. I take a risk making my breakfast and I take a risk eating. When I go to work there is risk And I never know but that I may not return home at night after work. These are all calculated risks and I have survived my decisions for 41 years thus far… ( I know knock on wood… but that could cause me to get a splinter which could go septic which could make me have to go to a doctor which could mean I will be in an accident which could kill me. And if I survive the trip to the doctors then I might die on the way home. Or I might pick up a disease at the doctor’s which will kill me. Better not to go. But then if it does turn septic I could get an infection and die. Do you see my point? Whether for the sake of our children or for our own sake, If we always live in fear of what MIGHT happen then we simply stop living. And THAT is a fate worse than death.

the history of some monsters

To finish out my treatise on favorite horror stories I wanted to talk about the possible reasons for these thoughts and ideas having come up in the first place. Zombies are actually a religious expression from the voodoo religion. They would drug people and put them into trances and those people would have exhibited all the tendencies of a dead man. So that is actually a normal idea. The original zombies however would not have more than a passing resemblance to current ones. They were hypnotized or drugged people who were under the control of, often unscrupulous, voodoo practitioners. Vampires and werewolves were an attempt to figure out the vagaries of human kind and they also might have had something to do with the deficiencies in medical knowledge of the day. There were times when people were buried before they were REALLY dead. As miracle max put it they were only mostly dead. Sometimes peoples bodies were misdiagnosed as being dead. In fact a lot of our tradition today comes from that fact. The viewing of the body, the Irish wake these are reflections of those times. Also many of our phrases come from that time too. Like graveyard shift, or saved by the bell. The graveyard shift, and saved by the bell both come from how people were sometimes buried alive. At some point people realized that people were not always dead when they went into that hole. In order to make sure only the dead were truly buried they would leave a hole in the coffin top and tie a string to the finger of the body. After tying that to a bell above ground, if the body moved the bell would ring and so they could be saved by the ringing of that little bell. But in order to hear it sometimes you had to have someone on duty late at night in the graveyard to listen for that bell. Thus graveyard shift. By the way, Ghouls were people who would dig up corpses for the money they might be able to get from stealing from the bodies. Hmm maybe that was how they found out that some of the dead weren’t really dead when they were buried… Anyway now you know… if you want to know more there is lots of research out there to look into.

A series on monsters 3

Werewolves among us? Today’s installment in the horror theme thing is werewolves. A man is bitten by a wild creature, then on the next full moon he finds out that his razor is just not doing the job anymore. Spooky. What can we use against werewolves in our defense? Wolfsbane (good luck tracking that down) or silver bullets. (in this economy???) But they are stopable. So what makes them so scary? Well like both our predecessors in this series the first creep out is that they can turn you into them. The second is the lack of control, unless you get some REALLY thick curtains you will always have to be worried about that sneaky moon. You will be following that sucker more than a UFO nut. Again it would appear that werewolves have a really good PR guy. They are certainly gaining popularity. Still they are supposed to be scary. I think the thing that most makes them scary is that they could be ANYONE. It could be your best friend or your mom or dad or even, in some scenarios, you yourself. Think about that if you will. Still if you are a werewolf this is not the end of the world. I mean, after all, on the positive list you have, being a were wolf means you will not have to worry about balding. Unlike vampires you can still enjoy a nice Italian bistro, and there will be periods of time when you can relax knowing that at least for this one night of the month you will NOT be a bloodthirsty hairy monster. So enjoy this Halloween and try not to eat any of the trick or treaters.