Children and Marriage

In today’s culture I see a lot of problems. And frankly I do not know how to address them when talking with my children. The biggie that hit me most recently was about being faithful to your marriage vows. I know several people who have been less than faithful. And I see/hear the reports in the news. It seems to be the “In thing” to get a divorce today. Then we have groups of people saying they want to change the fundamental understanding of what marriage even is. So what is marriage then? Well I would say that it is what happens when two people love each other and want to stay together forming a family. But if everyone is getting divorced right and left then what hope is there for that ideal? What is love? In first Corinthians (chapter 13 verses 4-7ESV) Paul tells us… “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it’s own way’ it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things”. The point here is that Love requires active work. We cannot think only of ourselves or our needs. We have to think of the other/s whom we profess to love. This is even truer in Marriage. For a good marriage to work BOTH sides have to come together to work at it side by side in the long haul. A lot of people get focused on the wedding and fail to think past that point. Now a wedding can be a very stressful event. And marriage can be stressful. I think that a wedding’s preparations are designed to be pretty stressful so that you can get the idea of how well you work together as a couple is stressful situations. The problem is that a wedding is designed with a goal in mind. A sprint if you will. A marriage however is a long-term deal. A marathon in comparison. The thing is that this marathon has no end in sight... I do not mean this to sound like it is a negative. But I would advise you to think about it. When you look at your beloved’s face can you wake up next to that daily for the rest of your life? What will you do when she gets cancer? Are you prepared to care for her? What will you do when he has a stroke? Are you prepared to do all the things for him that he can’t? This might include bathing him/her. Giving your loved one medicine/s cleaning up vomit or worse. Can you put his/her needs above your own? Even if it going to be for the next year? What if it is for the next 5 years or 15? Love isn’t just about feeling. Love is work! When he wants to watch Football, are you ok with that? Can you let him do that? Even though you want to go out to dinner? What about when she wants to go look at fabric and patterns at the fabric store. Can you go along and support her? Even if that means you have to give up the fishing trip? That is what love is. Putting their needs above your own. And it is not easy, BUT it IS worth it.

My Favorite season.

Today I want to talk about my favorite season. Now don’t get me wrong! Just because I have a favorite season, that does not mean that I do not enjoy the others. In fact I intend to outline the good things involved in ALL the seasons. But I do still have a favorite. Let me begin by talking about all the seasons. Let us start with the “beginning” of the cycle, Spring! A wonderful season with new life, new birth and rebirth. The trees get new buds, the flowers grow and bloom, the rain falls down blessing the earth, the animals start to come out and all the soft green and growth has a unique beauty that is never seen in any other month. The smells of spring are so fresh and clean. The freshly turned earth, the new flowers and all. It is a truly awesome time of the year. And the holidays involved! Easter with it’s jelly beans, Chocolate Bunnies, and marshmallow peeps. Or St Patricks day with all the “wearing ‘o’ the green” and fun. Or Valentines day with the protestations of love and the promise of future love. Baseball starts in the spring and the promise of what is to come is very palpable. It isn’t long until spring flows into summer, our second season to look at. This is a time of heat and play. There is work involved but it really seems almost a peripheral thing. We start to see the harvests come in and we also see more time to do things like go to the swimming pool or the watering hole or the creek or wherever and do all the water sports. Traditionally now it is a time of vacations and sports. School comes to a close and parks open. Baseball is now in full swing and is rapidly heading to the big Finish. We go to the theme parks and the lakes and we play. We get out in the sun and work on all the projects that have been waiting for our attention for so long. We go camping and we enjoy Children’s lemonade stands. There are Rodeos and Baseball games and fireworks and campouts and cookouts. For food/s we look at having grilled chicken, Burgers, Hot dogs, and Steaks. Fresh Corn on the cob and cold watermelon, Freshly churned Ice cream and snow cones. The Holidays include Memorial day, Mother’s day, Father’s Day and the Fourth of July. Truly a time of fun in the sun. But then there comes Fall. Our third season of consideration. The weather is cooling off. The trees start to change colors to the reds and golds that they have gone through before. The wildlife starts to slow down as they finish their work in preparation for the winter and they start going into hibernation. Football has started and we start to drink Apple cider and eating candy apples and popcorn balls. School is back in session, and the air takes on a new crispness. All the harvests are in, the canning and preserving is finishing up and we start to look forward to the next year and even the next season. We start to build (and smell) fires to keep us warm. There are harvest parties, hayrides, and a kind of restfulness. We have the holidays of Halloween and Thanksgiving. Raking of leaves and playing in them. This is a magical time of the year. Which leads to the final season. Winter! White and snow and Ice. A time to play in the snow; make snow angels and lick icicles. Snowmen start popping up and colored lights come out and trees move into our houses and a whole new music start ringing through the air. When we finish with our play we come in to enjoy hot cocoa, Candy canes ginger bread houses and freshly baked cookies. We look forward to the BIG event of winter, Christmas! With all the things that attend. The presents, the dinner with Turkey and Scalloped potatoes, Green bean casserole Sweet potatoes, Pecan and pumpkin pies and Eggnog! We sing carols, we go to plays and cantatas and parties. There is a new sense of magic and wonder as we watch the little ones gape and wonder at the lights and the presents wrapped in all the colors. There is a sense of bonhomie a general feeling of wanting to make life better for those in need. We hang stockings and we all feel an anticipation of good things to come. We feel linked to the past in ways that we never really feel through any of the other seasons as we read A Christmas Carol and watch A Christmas story. We think of the ways that Christmas has been celebrated for centuries. If we do not celebrate Christmas there is still something for us. The Menorahs and Kwanzaa candles glowing and adding their lights to the riot of colors and lights that adorn the houses where Christmas is celebrated. We get an up close picture of the joy that children feel, the magic that they sense and we try to keep that alive, for them and for us with tales of Christmases past and reading the stories that were written before in celebration of this time. We relive our happy memories of those days from before as we live vicariously through the kids, Or just through our own joy, through this time. So which one is my favorite? To be honest I love all the seasons to some extent many for the reasons listed above. My second favorite time is probably Winter. With all the food (and presents) of Winter, and the things linked with that, I find myself particularly enamored of the links to the past that fit in there, to think that some of these traditions have been practiced for centuries. It makes me feel linked to the past AND the future. But I think my favorite time is Fall. It is the best of them because it takes the best of Summer and Winter and puts those together with it’s own brand of style. There are smells that you will NEVER smell any other time. You start anticipating the fun (And presents) of winter and you find yourself linked to the past in a similar way as you might during the winter. And sometimes the anticipation is better than the actual event. There are still lots of outdoor sports, there is magic in the falling leaves and color changes and weather changes. There is anticipation for Halloween and Thanksgiving. You get the turkey dinner and the pumpkin pie and the scalloped potatoes and the Eggnog of winter. While still enjoying the warmer days of late summer where It is still warm enough for a few last grill outs. There is still corn on the cob and you can finish off the watermelon in the fridge or the ice creams and Popsicle’s that are still in the freezer. And yet this is THE time to enjoy Apple cider (cold and Hot) and Candy Apples. (you won’t find those in your stocking) and best of all, The bugs all go away! If you compare a year to a day Spring is sort of like when you wake up and you are still getting ready for the day Summer is the middle of the day where you are the busiest, working and playing hard, facing the heat while dealing with the chores. Winter is the late evening and night where you sleep and rest in preparation for the coming dawn. This is when you Dream and hope. But FALL! Fall is the early evening hours. When the fireflies come out, when you slow down and look back on the day and say “It was good!” When your dreams have all been met (or failed), when you rest and know that you worked hard and you can now enjoy the fruits of your labors. It is that drowsy between time where you are not really asleep but you are not really awake. When you are comfortable no longer tiring yourself out but you are tired enough that you feel happy. And that is why it is my favorite time of year.

Movies then and now

So lately I got to thinking. I was thinking about movies and the way they have evolved and the way that people have changed over the years. I thought about the fact that the language and subject/s we consider “O.K.” for kids consumption has changed. I mean the first Star Trek movie that came out in the 70’s was rated R when it came out. Today that exact same movie would get a rating no worse than PG. @0 years before that when They were making the movie “It’s a wonderful life.” The film makers (and MPAA) were struggling to make a movie that would be suitable for kids… in order to achieve that goal they had to take out the word/s (SHUT UP? STUPID? LOOK IT UP). These words were considered tame in the 70’s and in today’s society they are largely considered childish themselves. It seems that There are a lot of people today (indeed even in the late 70’s and 80’s) who seem to think that any movie that is labeled G has to be “made for kids”. (say that sentence with disgust or scorn and you got the idea behind that sentence.) The thing is that they do not have to be that way. I watched the movie “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory.” When I was a kid. As a kid I loved it. Watching it with my daughters does not bother me (certainly not the way the remake Charlie and the chocolate factory does.) but when I am watching Willy Wonka and seeing what Gene Wilder did as an adult I can tell you that this is definitely not a “kids only” movie. There is subtlety and context that completely goes over my kid’s heads. But it makes the movie even richer for me now than it did then. In order for me to appreciate those subtleties I had to mature and grow. In the 80’s an up and coming director included a rather risqué word in his new sci fi movie. He did this because he wanted to draw the kids who only wanted to see “cool grown up movies" who would have refused to see anything rated G. This attitude remains to this day. This is a shame because that movie was an excellent movie in it’s own right and has been an iconic movie for my generation. And still today the movie, E.T. has spawned references and toys and whole movie production companies that never would have existed otherwise… and, too where would Drew Barrymore be today without HER part in that movie? Too many movies have to kow-tow to that idea today. Only it is even worse for them. I am starting to thin that it would be much better if people stop seeing movies in order to “Look Cool” for the other kids instead of watching a movie just because it is a GOOD movie. We need to tell Hollywood that we want movies of substance that makes us better for having seen them. Movies like “Rudy”, “The Rookie”, “Fireproof”, “the Blind side” and so on. These are movies that have a message to them, they are mostly well made and they have a great theme to them. What’s more they are uplifting and encouraging and have a message to send. There ARE movies with harsher ratings that fit those criteria as well. I think that too many of them have had to do the same thing as Steven Spielberg, and so they add gratuitous words or violence that just try to capture a bigger audience, to me this is disappointing. These movies would be better served, I think, to have left the gratuity OUT. If they had then I would feel comfortable letting MY kids watch them, I might even sit down to watch them WITH my kids and then we would have an opportunity to bond. I think that is all I better say on the subject though it feels unfinished… maybe you can all help me finish this article by adding your thoughts on the subject and then we can have a dialog about it. In any event, Hope your day is a great one

who is the LOTR hero?

Here is a surprising revelation for all of you out there. And I have to open it to you through a question. Who is the hero of the Lord of the rings? Is it Frodo? The ring bearer the faithful one who doggedly goes on to try to destroy the one ring though it weighs heavily on his neck always tempting him? Is it Gandalf the powerful wizard who defeats a Balrog and becomes the head of his order (Of wizards)? Is it Gimli the stout and stalwart dwarf who realizes the errors of his prejudice towards Elves and becomes enlightened while still remaining a strong and ferocious fighter? Is it Legolas? Elegant and refined. Willowy and strong in his way while still looking suave and debonair and being a REALLY good shooter of arrows? Is it Merry and Pippin, the comic relief who in the middle of all this show the strength and capability to be strong? Maybe it is Aragorn the gold that does not glitter the strong silent type who will be there for you in thick and in thin. He will be the truest of the true and is descended from kings and heir to a throne. How about Boromir. The one that in the end realized the error of his ways and repented giving his life in defense of those who were in need. Actually I say we ought to look at the Hobbit that seems the easiest to forget about. Sam! Do you realize that without sam the ring would have never been destroyed? In his own way Sam has all the important attributes of the others (Stalwart, faithful, brave, loyal) while covering them all in the most forgettable and humble of exteriors. It is Sam who stays by Frodo’s side even when all others are gone. It is Sam who carries on when all seems lost, it is Sam who gives Frodo and the others the mental boost that allows them to carry on when all seems lost. In short, it is Sam who does all that is needed when everyone who looks at him can’t see his true worth. And yet when Frodo brings that up Sam discounts it’s value because he humbly, honestly, believes that he is doing only that which he was designed for and so he does not deserve the kudos. Much like some people I know. And in the end when Even Frodo finally succumbs to the power of the ring, Sam is the one who pushes for the mission to be completed and when all heck breaks loose Sam is the one who is there to pick up the pieces. Honestly ALL of them are heroes. They all sought out the needs of the many. Even Gollum has his moments. But I think that Sam is the most unsung of them. One of the things I really liked about the LOTR story line is that when Tolkien wrote it he made the characters REAL. Even though they may look or sound special and awesome they all are very real.

Awards or Fakes?

Recently a couple of issues came up… well really it was one issue that presented itself to me in two different ways. The first issue was about the men who went to Vietnam who were treated poorly and the men today who make claim to awards they did not really receive. The first cue was actually from my mom. She commented about how the numbers do not add up. 2,700,000 + men served In country in Vietnam, 1,700,000 of those men came home. Yet over 9 million people CLAIM that they received legitimate awards for combat in Vietnam. The second cue was an episode of the TV show “JAG”. In this show a character who is running for senate claims to not only have been a Navy Seal but to have won awards, in Vietnam, that he did not. The character claimed that he wanted to run on a platform of “Integrity in government and Values in the home.” But obviously there can not be any integrity or values when you are lying about who, or what, you are. Now fictional shows aside, the truth is that there are a lot of people out there who will present themselves as something other than what they were/are. They also run in all walks of life. I remember my mom once telling me, as an assistant scoutmaster in charge of advancement in the troop where I served, that I ought to make sure… that I owed it to myself AND to those kids to make sure that they really deserved the awards or promotions they were up for. She told me that I should not make it easier for them. This is something that they need to earn. The only way it means something is if it is something truly earned. So now thinking back on those guys who served in “’Nam” they worked hard, they were there and some of them went through a very real version of Hell. When they came home they were treated badly, many of them committed suicide because the stress of returning home to a country that, at best, didn’t care or worse went out of its way to belittle them, to treat them like criminals. So now, as a new generation is coming up, as we see the results of wars like Desert storm, Desert Shield, Operation Iraqi Freedom and so on. We tend to be supportive of our troops and suddenly it is O.K. even Noble to have served or to currently serve. And now that it is o.k. we also seem to see a lot of scum, yes I said it and I mean it, S-C-U-M!! who want to trample those men for personal gain. Some of them are politicians, some of them are just “regular joes” but everyone that lies about this casts shadows on the Real sacrifice those men made. So back to that show I think they said it well… A S.E.A.L. confronted that candidate, and he knocked out his lights. Later in the courtroom, while being tried for assault, the S.E.A.L. Said… “I’m a Navy SEAL. A direct descendant of the scout and raider units that invaded North Africa in 1942, A child of the underwater demolition teams that stormed the beaches of Normandy, I humbly follow those who cleared the way for landings on Pacific islands whose names are synonymous with words like courage, honor, country and death. My predecessors spilled their blood in the snow of Korea, and the rice paddies of Vietnam. No Navy S.E.AL. has ever surrendered or left behind a dead or wounded comrade. That is bravery and selflessness. That represents an ideal, as embodied by this uniform and insignia. To me this uniform is not just made of cloth. And the insignia is not just made of metal. No they represent the flesh and blood of all those who came before.” And Admiral Chegwidden said, “I killed men under the rules of war, that’s something I gotta live with every day. It’s made me appreciate the value of human life and the rules that guide it.” Again fictional plots aside, I agree with the sentiments that they expressed. I have served, and I have seen friends go to war. I have NOT gone to war and I will not claim to have done so. But that sense of pride in the uniform, the history and valor that has been performed in uniforms just like that give meaning to the uniforms worn today. And for anyone to disparage the deeds done by others just so they can look good… well that is just plain wrong. I think we all need to honor the men AND women who have served and who have earned the awards that go on their uniforms. If the awards were truly earned they mean A LOT. We ought to leave those awards for those who have paid the penalties and debts that go with having them on their chest/s. Because those penalties/ debts are great. Some of us may never know what it takes to watch your buddy who you slept next to ate with and laughed with taking a bullet next to you. Some of us might. They have kept us safe, they have served us in ways that we may never know. They have done that which many of us are not willing to do. And still we have people here today who will spurn them who will spit on them. And the others steal from them. We need to stop this practice. Oh and while you are at it, go out and find one of those who DID serve. We all know someone! And give them a hug.

I blame Taco Bell!

I have an issue, it is an odd issue to say the least. My Issue is that every time I hear the word supreme, I think of sour cream. And then I get hungry... And I blame Taco Bell for that. It can get very frustrating,I hear people talking about the recent ruling of the Supreme Court and I see a bunch of judges standing in a building covered with Sour cream. They talk about the Supreme intelligence and I think "Why did s/he put sour cream on their brain?" And do NOT get me started on when people talk about supreme beings. And I blame it all on Taco Bell because when I was growing up I always knew you had tacos with meat, cheese and lettuce; then you had tacos supreme which have all the things tacos have but you add sour cream and tomatoes. The same with Nachos/nachos supreme and burritos vs burritos supreme. So apparently, like Pavlov's dogs, I have been trained to think of adding sour cream (and tomatoes now that I think of it)to whatever else is mentioned. Of course I have to say that I am also disappointed because they used to put green onions and black olives on some of their items and they don't do that anymore... But that is a different issue.

The pros and cons of Ebooks.

Well here we are again. I want to talk today about the virtues and issues of Ebooks like the Nook and the Kindle. First let me consider the pros. (1) You can carry LOTS of books all in one place. If you are going on vacation or an avid reader this is AWESOME! If you are not such an avid reader… well that’s not so important. On the other hand you can also subscribe to blogs, magazines and newspapers with your device. Which leads me to the next plus… (2) You can easily get another book. You do not have to go to the library or the bookstore, you can just go online, find a book and have it delivered to your device, without even getting out of your bathrobe. (Some people find this to be a con though since their trips to the library or bookstore is the only outing time they get.) (3) There are things that you can add or include in your “Ebook” which enhance the experience. You can have the device “read the book” to you, play music while you read or you can install games to play for the times you need a distraction but do not feel up to reading. However there are cons to the whole genre too. (1) For example, like all electronic stuff an Ebook is open to bugs. They can freeze up or run out of battery power or short out or be easily damaged if they are banged around to hard. A real book will “survive” certain things like that much more easily. (2) Again due to their being electronic devices they can be temperamental. They require specific temperature ranges and even certain weather issues can negatively influence them, worse than a regular book would be affected. (3) This is a biggie I think, COST. You buy a regular book and that is all the expense. You buy an Ebook and you still have to go out and buy the “books” to store and read on the device. Personally I think that it would be best if the sellers of the Ebooks would add a “free” amount of downloads. (If you buy this device we will throw in 10 books of your choice free of charge.) That way it feels like you are getting your money’s worth. Oddly enough there is actually another con, one that I think was unintentional and, perhaps, unforeseeable And that is the “encouragement the Ebook would give to people to write books who have absolutely NO business doing so. I have purchased a Kindle from Amazon; actually I bought it at Target. And partly due to the cost issue already mentioned, I have found that the books I am inclined to load (free or at least really cheap) are, … well poorly written. There is no system where the books are vetted for issues like spelling or anything. So when I am reading along and all of a sudden come across a word that makes no sense… well I get really upset sometimes. I suppose it is almost as bad as people like me who use to many of those triple dot things. No really, it is kind of like when I was a boy of about 12; I was reading a book I got from the school library. I remember there was a word in that book I didn’t know; Pubic, but since I never heard of that word I simply substituted another word I DID know public which seemed to me to fit only it didn’t, what the heck is a PUBLIC hair??? But fortunately because the word was spelled correctly I was able to say “wait PUBLIC hair doesn’t make sense… there is no L in this word, let me look up PUBIC and see what it means. Then after all that I was able to say AH HAH!!! And I learned something new. The problem here is that the person making the mistake, adding letters or leaving them out, are the WRITERS so how then would a boy like me have figured that out? See I think part of the problem is that these “writers” are counting on spell check to catch their mistakes. The thing is that spell check does not care about context. For example think of the nursery rhyme, Mary had a little lamb, It’s fleece was white as snow, And everywhere that Mary went The lamb was sure to go. That is how it goes! Yet I could type instead… Merry hat a lid dell lam Its fleas was wide as no And every ware that Merry wend The lam was sure two go. Ok so I wrote all that WITH spell check on. Both passed muster, but the two “poems” are totally different. In fact the second one makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever. It is just a bunch of words strung together. They may sound the same as the first one they may be understood the same IF READ OUT LOUD but to read them you could get lost pretty quick. That is a large part of the problem with the authors I have been seeing lately. Worse maybe, some of the classic books I have received in my Kindle show similar degradation of spelling. Also some of the books I have read, the author/s have apparently HEARD a phrase or quote but never SEEN the quote. So they keep substituting what they THOUGHT they heard for the idiom wanted. So I guess what they need to do is get an idea of what life is really like and get a dictionary. Example “Nip it in the Bud!” I am pretty sure that the phrase I just wrote is the correct way to do it. Having gone out and seen the buds of leaves or flowers in the spring. And having put the quote in context (stop it before it really gets started). Then I can put together in my mind the idea that if you want to keep a flower from blooming or a tree from putting out a leaf then you NIP the branch/flower while it is IN THE BUD. Thus you will achieve the goal of stopping the process before it gets started. However what does NIP IT IN THE BUT do? Do you mean nip it in the butt? And what exactly does gently biting (a.k.a. nipping) someone on his or her hindquarters do to stop a process before it gets started? It doesn’t make sense. And of course Homophones are a big trap for these writers. I am going two the market where I will get too apples… oh and a pear to. HUH?????? It seems they forget that some words SOUND the same while being spelled (Spelt?) differently and that difference totally makes a difference! In a horror story am I going to be afraid of the wicked which? No but if it was a witch… oh yeah! Is it nice to have sunny whether? Um I do not think so but if the WEATHER is sunny I would like that a lot. And what is rack and ruin? When someone destroys a department store? Although WRACK and ruin… yeah that makes sense. How about, Reek or wreak? Peek or peak? Time or thyme? Accept or except? Leek or leak? Knight or night? Bite or byte? Red or read? Plain or plane? And then there are the times when spelling just doesn’t seem to matter. It is ok to put it in as long as it is a close approximation and the word doesn’t kick up a spell check error. (Lick instead of Like? Really?) Anyway those are the issues I have found with “Ebooks” and those are the reasons why I think it would be a good idea to keep a hold of your paper backs (or even Hardbacks) for a while yet to come.