I really have to ask this question. I was thinking of an old aphorism, “for the lack of a nail, the shoe was lost. For the lack of the shoe the horse was lost, for the lack of the horse the army was lost. For the lack of the army the battle was lost, for the lack of the battle the war was lost. For the lack of the war the country was lost.”
It seems that we like to claim that “hindsight is 20-20. But is it really? Can we say with certainty what it is that works/worked and what didn’t?
We like to think so, but I wonder. I mean think about it. We claim that if such and such did (OR didn’t) happen then this is the way things would have turned out. We think we are right and we might actually BE right, most of the time. But are we always right?
Oddly this question came up because I was splaying Risk. I was doing this on my Gameboy and I reached a point where I was ready to do a turn in for troops. I was also ready to make my final move and crush my opponent.
I thought I had enough troops to finish the job without the turn in and didn’t want to waste the time or effort to do my turn in. but I chose to do so anyway.
It turned out that in hindsight I was probably right to avoid the turn in. at least that was the way it looked. I finished the game with the entire turn in worth of forces and a small percentage of other force left over.
I first thought “see what did I say”. But then I started thinking about it. In order to win I had to split my existing troops in half. And one half of those troops were destroyed in the eastern part of North America. The “bonus” troops I had received from my turn in were actually instrumental in capturing North America, because they were able to come in from the west and smash what was left after the main army half that was there was defeated. The half I lost had blunted my opponent’s force to where the back up could finish the job.
What if the back up hadn’t been there? The other half of my force could also have been overwhelmed. Just because I had a large section of troops leftover at the end does not mean that I would have had the percentage that I ended with if the “bonus” troops hadn’t existed.
In hindsight I was thinking I was right I didn’t need those troops. But in reality I may very well have needed them.
So even in hindsight there is a question as to whether they were needed or not. But I guess in the final analysis I have to turn to another saying…
“Better to have had them and not needed them, then to not have them and need them.”
Friday, January 6, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Are kids today Selfish?
I sometimes have to cringe when I hear people of my parent’s generation say “kids these days are so selfish.” I mean really? Are you really going there?
I mean think about it. Your generation was the one whose mottoes were things like “sex drugs and rock and roll.” Or “if it feels good do it.”
These expressions define the very nature of selfishness. It is like saying “don’t worry about the consequences full speed ahead.
Do drugs! they feel good and so we should just do it. Never mind how many people they kill, never mind the way they cause dependence and cause people to become parasites on society.
Or how about Sex feels good so go out there and do it. Have no thought for the fact that you can easily spread S.T.D.’s and the whole era of permissiveness introduced new levels of S.T.D.’s previously unknown. (Can you say AIDS? How about HIV?).
The generation that wishes to pass judgement on “kids these days” is the same one that brought all this to being.
And I am afraid that many of them have yet to grow up. They refused to take part in a war, Vietnam, which I can understand, but despised their peers who did, which I cannot understand.
When the soldiers came back from war those who refused to do their part reviled them. In fact some of the ones who didn’t go would spit at the returning soldiers.
Some of the soldiers were in Vietnam against their wishes but they had a job to do. They were not given a choice but because they had honor or they felt a duty they still did what they were told to do by a government that needed them.
To spit at those who served and punish them, even though many of them were forced to do it; How is that mature? How is that unselfish? All you are thinking of in that moment is how YOU feel and that is selfishness.
If you do not want to fight, if you do not want to serve that is your prerogative. However it is NOT appropriate to cast scorn on people who believe differently than you JUST BECAUSE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE THE SAME WAY.
Some people believe in honor, some people believe in duty that does not mean you can target them for abuse. In fact some day you will depend on them to stand in the way of people who have no honor. You will expect these young men and women to protect you and keep you alive. Let me reiterate… you WILL NEED them to stand between an enemy and you. And it is the very attributes that you scorn them for that will cause them to do so.
So if you want to put down my generation or the next, well this is a free country, and I suppose that it is easier to be mean to someone than it is to try to lift them up. But do not expect me to have much sympathy for you when it comes back home to roost.
I mean think about it. Your generation was the one whose mottoes were things like “sex drugs and rock and roll.” Or “if it feels good do it.”
These expressions define the very nature of selfishness. It is like saying “don’t worry about the consequences full speed ahead.
Do drugs! they feel good and so we should just do it. Never mind how many people they kill, never mind the way they cause dependence and cause people to become parasites on society.
Or how about Sex feels good so go out there and do it. Have no thought for the fact that you can easily spread S.T.D.’s and the whole era of permissiveness introduced new levels of S.T.D.’s previously unknown. (Can you say AIDS? How about HIV?).
The generation that wishes to pass judgement on “kids these days” is the same one that brought all this to being.
And I am afraid that many of them have yet to grow up. They refused to take part in a war, Vietnam, which I can understand, but despised their peers who did, which I cannot understand.
When the soldiers came back from war those who refused to do their part reviled them. In fact some of the ones who didn’t go would spit at the returning soldiers.
Some of the soldiers were in Vietnam against their wishes but they had a job to do. They were not given a choice but because they had honor or they felt a duty they still did what they were told to do by a government that needed them.
To spit at those who served and punish them, even though many of them were forced to do it; How is that mature? How is that unselfish? All you are thinking of in that moment is how YOU feel and that is selfishness.
If you do not want to fight, if you do not want to serve that is your prerogative. However it is NOT appropriate to cast scorn on people who believe differently than you JUST BECAUSE THEY DO NOT BELIEVE THE SAME WAY.
Some people believe in honor, some people believe in duty that does not mean you can target them for abuse. In fact some day you will depend on them to stand in the way of people who have no honor. You will expect these young men and women to protect you and keep you alive. Let me reiterate… you WILL NEED them to stand between an enemy and you. And it is the very attributes that you scorn them for that will cause them to do so.
So if you want to put down my generation or the next, well this is a free country, and I suppose that it is easier to be mean to someone than it is to try to lift them up. But do not expect me to have much sympathy for you when it comes back home to roost.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The Nature of war heroes
Recently a couple of issues came up… well really it was one issue that presented itself to me in two different ways.
The first issue was about the men who went to Vietnam who were treated poorly and the men today who make claim to awards they did not really receive.
The first cue was actually from my mom. She commented about how the numbers do not add up. 2,700,000 + men served In country in Vietnam, 1,700,000 of those men came home. Yet over 9 million people CLAIM that they received legitimate awards for combat in Vietnam.
The second cue was an episode of the TV show “JAG”. In this show a character who is running for senate claims to not only have been a Navy Seal but to have won awards, in Vietnam, that he did not.
The character claimed that he wanted to run on a platform of “Integrity in government and Values in the home.” But obviously there can not be any integrity or values when you are lying about who, or what, you are.
Now fictional shows aside, the truth is that there are a lot of people out there who will present themselves as something other than what they were/are. They also run in all walks of life.
I remember my mom once telling me, as an assistant scoutmaster in charge of advancement in the troop where I served, that I ought to make sure… that I owed it to myself AND to those kids to make sure that they really deserved the awards or promotions they were up for.
She told me that I should not make it easier for them. This is something that they need to earn. The only way it means something is if it is something truly earned.
So now thinking back on those guys who served in “’Nam” they worked hard, they were there and some of them went through a very real version of Hell.
When they came home they were treated badly, many of them committed suicide because the stress of returning home to a country that, at best, didn’t care or worse went out of its way to belittle them, to treat them like criminals.
So now, as a new generation is coming up, as we see the results of wars like Desert storm, Desert Shield, Operation Iraqi Freedom and so on. We tend to be supportive of our troops and suddenly it is O.K. even Noble to have served or to currently serve.
And now that it is o.k. we also seem to see a lot of scum, yes I said it and I mean it, S-C-U-M!! who want to trample those men for personal gain. Some of them are politicians, some of them are just “regular joes” but everyone that lies about this casts shadows on the Real sacrifice those men made.
So back to that show I think they said it well…
A S.E.A.L. confronted that candidate, and he knocked out his lights. Later in the courtroom, while being tried for assault, the S.E.A.L. Said…
“I’m a Navy SEAL. A direct descendant of the scout and raider units that invaded North Africa in 1942,
A child of the underwater demolition teams that stormed the beaches of Normandy, I humbly follow those who cleared the way for landings on Pacific islands whose names are synonymous with words like courage, honor, country and death.
My predecessors spilled their blood in the snow of Korea, and the rice paddies of Vietnam. No Navy S.E.AL. has ever surrendered or left behind a dead or wounded comrade.
That is bravery and selflessness. That represents an ideal, as embodied by this uniform and insignia.
To me this uniform is not just made of cloth. And the insignia is not just made of metal. No they represent the flesh and blood of all those who came before.”
And Admiral Chegwidden said, “I killed men under the rules of war, that’s something I gotta live with every day. It’s made me appreciate the value of human life and the rules that guide it.”
Again fictional plots aside, I agree with the sentiments that they expressed. I have served, and I have seen friends go to war.
I have NOT gone to war and I will not claim to have done so. But that sense of pride in the uniform, the history and valor that has been performed in uniforms just like that give meaning to the uniforms worn today. And for anyone to disparage the deeds done by others just so they can look good… well that is just plain wrong.
I think we all need to honor the men AND women who have served and who have earned the awards that go on their uniforms. If the awards were truly earned they mean A LOT. We ought to leave those awards for those who have paid the penalties and debts that go with having them on their chest/s. Because those penalties/ debts are great.
Some of us may never know what it takes to watch your buddy who you slept next to ate with and laughed with taking a bullet next to you. Some of us might.
They have kept us safe, they have served us in ways that we may never know. They have done that which many of us are not willing to do. And still we have people here today who will spurn them who will spit on them. And the others steal from them. We need to stop this practice.
Oh and while you are at it, go out and find one of those who DID serve. We all know someone! And give them a hug.
The first issue was about the men who went to Vietnam who were treated poorly and the men today who make claim to awards they did not really receive.
The first cue was actually from my mom. She commented about how the numbers do not add up. 2,700,000 + men served In country in Vietnam, 1,700,000 of those men came home. Yet over 9 million people CLAIM that they received legitimate awards for combat in Vietnam.
The second cue was an episode of the TV show “JAG”. In this show a character who is running for senate claims to not only have been a Navy Seal but to have won awards, in Vietnam, that he did not.
The character claimed that he wanted to run on a platform of “Integrity in government and Values in the home.” But obviously there can not be any integrity or values when you are lying about who, or what, you are.
Now fictional shows aside, the truth is that there are a lot of people out there who will present themselves as something other than what they were/are. They also run in all walks of life.
I remember my mom once telling me, as an assistant scoutmaster in charge of advancement in the troop where I served, that I ought to make sure… that I owed it to myself AND to those kids to make sure that they really deserved the awards or promotions they were up for.
She told me that I should not make it easier for them. This is something that they need to earn. The only way it means something is if it is something truly earned.
So now thinking back on those guys who served in “’Nam” they worked hard, they were there and some of them went through a very real version of Hell.
When they came home they were treated badly, many of them committed suicide because the stress of returning home to a country that, at best, didn’t care or worse went out of its way to belittle them, to treat them like criminals.
So now, as a new generation is coming up, as we see the results of wars like Desert storm, Desert Shield, Operation Iraqi Freedom and so on. We tend to be supportive of our troops and suddenly it is O.K. even Noble to have served or to currently serve.
And now that it is o.k. we also seem to see a lot of scum, yes I said it and I mean it, S-C-U-M!! who want to trample those men for personal gain. Some of them are politicians, some of them are just “regular joes” but everyone that lies about this casts shadows on the Real sacrifice those men made.
So back to that show I think they said it well…
A S.E.A.L. confronted that candidate, and he knocked out his lights. Later in the courtroom, while being tried for assault, the S.E.A.L. Said…
“I’m a Navy SEAL. A direct descendant of the scout and raider units that invaded North Africa in 1942,
A child of the underwater demolition teams that stormed the beaches of Normandy, I humbly follow those who cleared the way for landings on Pacific islands whose names are synonymous with words like courage, honor, country and death.
My predecessors spilled their blood in the snow of Korea, and the rice paddies of Vietnam. No Navy S.E.AL. has ever surrendered or left behind a dead or wounded comrade.
That is bravery and selflessness. That represents an ideal, as embodied by this uniform and insignia.
To me this uniform is not just made of cloth. And the insignia is not just made of metal. No they represent the flesh and blood of all those who came before.”
And Admiral Chegwidden said, “I killed men under the rules of war, that’s something I gotta live with every day. It’s made me appreciate the value of human life and the rules that guide it.”
Again fictional plots aside, I agree with the sentiments that they expressed. I have served, and I have seen friends go to war.
I have NOT gone to war and I will not claim to have done so. But that sense of pride in the uniform, the history and valor that has been performed in uniforms just like that give meaning to the uniforms worn today. And for anyone to disparage the deeds done by others just so they can look good… well that is just plain wrong.
I think we all need to honor the men AND women who have served and who have earned the awards that go on their uniforms. If the awards were truly earned they mean A LOT. We ought to leave those awards for those who have paid the penalties and debts that go with having them on their chest/s. Because those penalties/ debts are great.
Some of us may never know what it takes to watch your buddy who you slept next to ate with and laughed with taking a bullet next to you. Some of us might.
They have kept us safe, they have served us in ways that we may never know. They have done that which many of us are not willing to do. And still we have people here today who will spurn them who will spit on them. And the others steal from them. We need to stop this practice.
Oh and while you are at it, go out and find one of those who DID serve. We all know someone! And give them a hug.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
the thing about vouchers
I recently read a post, by a public school teacher, in Facebook about how school vouchers are evil. And I had to wonder. I used to work for a public school system myself and I have to say that as a father AND as a former public school employee I would rather have the opportunity to send my children to a school where they would receive the best education possible.
In fact I probably would be against putting my kids in a public school system in many places; and judging by the broo ha ha coming out of Ohio at this time I think that state would be one of those where I would rather seek alternate education for my kids.
Let me explain a little better… You see my daughters are important to me. And as a parent I feel I have an obligation to get them the best opportunities I can. That means that I want to send them to a school where they will get the best education possible.
More than that I want to send them to a school where they will get the education that emphasizes the teaching I want them to receive!
If I want them to have more emphasis on art then that is where they will go, if I want them to have more emphasis on science where I would rather have them go is a school with that emphasis.
If I want them to have more access to physical teaching like sports or more socialization opportunities then that is the choice I will make.
But there are people in Ohio, most notably in the public schools, who seem to be adamant in stating that it is “unfair” for people to have that opportunity. And I have to wonder, why?
I want the best for my kids, and when I worked for a public school system that is how I worked. The kid/s always came first. The school system is supposed to be there for the KIDS not for the teachers, not for the administrators not for the janitors and not for the bus drivers. The whole focus of ANY school system needs to be on how to do the best for the KIDS and, I am sorry, but as I see it a voucher system, properly administered, does EXACTLY that.
A voucher system would first allow parents to go out and find the absolute BEST education for their child/ren, based on the standards that the parent has. (And let’s face it, the parent is usually going to have more interest in seeking the best for their little darling then some stranger sitting in an office a hundred miles away.)
Second of all it would cause schools, public AND private, to start becoming more competitive with each other which in turn means ALL students will benefit. After all the schools will seek to improve the way they teach in order to draw more parents, and their kids, to those schools.
But I still see these teachers and other school officials fighting the idea. And, at the risk of being redundant, I have to wonder why?
I guess we need to address how I see the voucher system. As I understand it, a voucher system is where the government takes the tax dollars and, instead of giving it directly to the schools, instead assigns the monies, in the form of vouchers, to the parents of the student. The parents then get the option of using those vouchers to take their children to the school of their choice.
So with that understanding, I have to believe that the more these people fight the idea of a voucher system the more they are trying to hold onto a status quo that is apparently failing.
If you, as a teacher, are arguing against a voucher system because it will take money away from your school, I have little sympathy.
No offense intended but frankly I do not care about your school, neither do I really care about your job. What I am concerned about is MY CHILD’S FUTURE and honestly I want my child to go to a school where they are not going to whine about their jobs but rather they will fight for the right/s of the children.
In fact if you are arguing that you will lose your job because you or your school cannot compete in an equal environment with another school then, even more, I will want to pull my child out of your school because you are basically admitting you are incompetent and useless.
Why can you NOT compete on an equal playing field with equal funds with another school? Why are they providing a better service than you? You receive the same amount of money per child you have access to the same opportunities… the only excuse for you not being able to compete is simply because you are incompetent, incapable or simply substandard.
If that is true then I really do not want my child being taught by you. I want the best. Arguing you will lose students because you cannot perform as well is simply telling me that you are not the best and the voucher system needs to be employed faster and ought to have been the way we always have done it to begin with.
In fact I probably would be against putting my kids in a public school system in many places; and judging by the broo ha ha coming out of Ohio at this time I think that state would be one of those where I would rather seek alternate education for my kids.
Let me explain a little better… You see my daughters are important to me. And as a parent I feel I have an obligation to get them the best opportunities I can. That means that I want to send them to a school where they will get the best education possible.
More than that I want to send them to a school where they will get the education that emphasizes the teaching I want them to receive!
If I want them to have more emphasis on art then that is where they will go, if I want them to have more emphasis on science where I would rather have them go is a school with that emphasis.
If I want them to have more access to physical teaching like sports or more socialization opportunities then that is the choice I will make.
But there are people in Ohio, most notably in the public schools, who seem to be adamant in stating that it is “unfair” for people to have that opportunity. And I have to wonder, why?
I want the best for my kids, and when I worked for a public school system that is how I worked. The kid/s always came first. The school system is supposed to be there for the KIDS not for the teachers, not for the administrators not for the janitors and not for the bus drivers. The whole focus of ANY school system needs to be on how to do the best for the KIDS and, I am sorry, but as I see it a voucher system, properly administered, does EXACTLY that.
A voucher system would first allow parents to go out and find the absolute BEST education for their child/ren, based on the standards that the parent has. (And let’s face it, the parent is usually going to have more interest in seeking the best for their little darling then some stranger sitting in an office a hundred miles away.)
Second of all it would cause schools, public AND private, to start becoming more competitive with each other which in turn means ALL students will benefit. After all the schools will seek to improve the way they teach in order to draw more parents, and their kids, to those schools.
But I still see these teachers and other school officials fighting the idea. And, at the risk of being redundant, I have to wonder why?
I guess we need to address how I see the voucher system. As I understand it, a voucher system is where the government takes the tax dollars and, instead of giving it directly to the schools, instead assigns the monies, in the form of vouchers, to the parents of the student. The parents then get the option of using those vouchers to take their children to the school of their choice.
So with that understanding, I have to believe that the more these people fight the idea of a voucher system the more they are trying to hold onto a status quo that is apparently failing.
If you, as a teacher, are arguing against a voucher system because it will take money away from your school, I have little sympathy.
No offense intended but frankly I do not care about your school, neither do I really care about your job. What I am concerned about is MY CHILD’S FUTURE and honestly I want my child to go to a school where they are not going to whine about their jobs but rather they will fight for the right/s of the children.
In fact if you are arguing that you will lose your job because you or your school cannot compete in an equal environment with another school then, even more, I will want to pull my child out of your school because you are basically admitting you are incompetent and useless.
Why can you NOT compete on an equal playing field with equal funds with another school? Why are they providing a better service than you? You receive the same amount of money per child you have access to the same opportunities… the only excuse for you not being able to compete is simply because you are incompetent, incapable or simply substandard.
If that is true then I really do not want my child being taught by you. I want the best. Arguing you will lose students because you cannot perform as well is simply telling me that you are not the best and the voucher system needs to be employed faster and ought to have been the way we always have done it to begin with.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It IS hard to say goodbye
So last night I was listening to some music at work and the song “hello - goodbye” started playing and I realized two things.
(1) This song has more meaning to me now than it did when I first heard it.
(2) It is the anniversary of Corine’s passing.
Let me explain the first point. The lyrics in the song go like this…
Where’s the navigator of your destiny,
Where is the dealer of this hand
Who can explain life and it’s brevity
Cause there is nothing here that I can understand
You and I have barely met
and I just don’t want to let go of you yet.
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
And so I hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face
Heaven calls for you Before it calls for me
When you get there save me a place
A place where I
(a place where you and I)
Can share your smile
(I can share your smile)
And I can hold you for more than just a while
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
OHHHHOHHHHOHHHOHH
I’ll see you on, I’ll see you on,
I’ll see you on I’ll see you on the other side
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
Repeat
Now I remember hearing this song a long time ago. And I remember reading the story behind it.
Apparently some friends of Michael W Smith’s Had a baby they named Noah. He was born early or with a defect (can’t quite remember which) and died shortly after he was born.
The story made me cry back then! How much more now that I have had a similar experience right?
The thing is last night was not the first time I heard that song since Christina’s miscarriage. But with the nearness of the anniversary it really hit me.
Especially since this seems to be my usual pattern.
It took me about three years after my dad passed away for it to really hit me. Same with my grandma’s death and other tragedies like 9-11.
So last night, I guess my point is, I had a good cry, I substituted Corine’s name for Noah and the whole thing hit me good and hard.
Although it might be a good idea for me to find out how to address my grief sooner. ANYWAY
Until next time.
(1) This song has more meaning to me now than it did when I first heard it.
(2) It is the anniversary of Corine’s passing.
Let me explain the first point. The lyrics in the song go like this…
Where’s the navigator of your destiny,
Where is the dealer of this hand
Who can explain life and it’s brevity
Cause there is nothing here that I can understand
You and I have barely met
and I just don’t want to let go of you yet.
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
And so I hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face
Heaven calls for you Before it calls for me
When you get there save me a place
A place where I
(a place where you and I)
Can share your smile
(I can share your smile)
And I can hold you for more than just a while
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
OHHHHOHHHHOHHHOHH
I’ll see you on, I’ll see you on,
I’ll see you on I’ll see you on the other side
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
Repeat
Now I remember hearing this song a long time ago. And I remember reading the story behind it.
Apparently some friends of Michael W Smith’s Had a baby they named Noah. He was born early or with a defect (can’t quite remember which) and died shortly after he was born.
The story made me cry back then! How much more now that I have had a similar experience right?
The thing is last night was not the first time I heard that song since Christina’s miscarriage. But with the nearness of the anniversary it really hit me.
Especially since this seems to be my usual pattern.
It took me about three years after my dad passed away for it to really hit me. Same with my grandma’s death and other tragedies like 9-11.
So last night, I guess my point is, I had a good cry, I substituted Corine’s name for Noah and the whole thing hit me good and hard.
Although it might be a good idea for me to find out how to address my grief sooner. ANYWAY
Until next time.
Friday, June 24, 2011
SciFi Culture?
I have to be honest most of the material I think of for blogging here is brought up by things I hear on the radio while at work.
SO with that in mind…
I was listening to a certain program lately, the guest on the show was talking about food companies using “human embryos” to create “genetically modified” foods and spices.
Once I got past the “eww factor” I immediately thought of the movie Soylent Green (“The green crackers are PEOPLE!”) and then right on the heels of that I thought of “how to serve mankind” (“It’s a cookbook, It’s a cookbook!”).
That triggered an interesting thought process. It occurred to me that it seems that science fiction has had more of an impact on the culture of our society than any other literary or movie source out there.
There are very few people I can think of who don’t get it when you say “beam me up” (Star trek) or “Luke, I am your father.” (Star wars).
Try using references from Mark Twain or Charles dickens and most people will probably look at you cross-eyed. Even Shakespeare doesn’t get the play that Captain Kirk does.
I thought that was an interesting point and wanted to share it with you. But more than that this Blog is one I want to use to prompt discussion.
What do you think?
What phrases or quotes do you prefer?
Please let me know.
SO with that in mind…
I was listening to a certain program lately, the guest on the show was talking about food companies using “human embryos” to create “genetically modified” foods and spices.
Once I got past the “eww factor” I immediately thought of the movie Soylent Green (“The green crackers are PEOPLE!”) and then right on the heels of that I thought of “how to serve mankind” (“It’s a cookbook, It’s a cookbook!”).
That triggered an interesting thought process. It occurred to me that it seems that science fiction has had more of an impact on the culture of our society than any other literary or movie source out there.
There are very few people I can think of who don’t get it when you say “beam me up” (Star trek) or “Luke, I am your father.” (Star wars).
Try using references from Mark Twain or Charles dickens and most people will probably look at you cross-eyed. Even Shakespeare doesn’t get the play that Captain Kirk does.
I thought that was an interesting point and wanted to share it with you. But more than that this Blog is one I want to use to prompt discussion.
What do you think?
What phrases or quotes do you prefer?
Please let me know.
Lists for marriage
I would like to preface this article with the statement that this is meant for people who are ready to seek out their future spouse. While I believe there is nothing here that I would not be willing to discuss with my daughters the subject might be a little heavy for some parents. Please proceed with caution.
I was thinking recently… hmm how many times have I used that phrase? Maybe I ought to make it my catch phrase… ANYWAY… recently it came to mind that a lot of people out there might not be as prepared to get married as they think they are.
What I would advise you all to do, those of you who are looking for a significant other i.e.: spouse, is that you make sure that you are compatible.
That is to say, make sure that you and your intended are on the same wavelength regarding certain aspects of your lives.
For example, I love my wife and I am very happy to be married to her. I should have considered how she felt about martial arts before we got married though. Frankly she really isn’t interested in them and she will not consider even trying them to see if they would suit her. On the other hand I am not much of a thrill junky when it comes to roller coasters, and she loves them greatly.
These are situations with which we each have had to deal; and deal with them we have. But could we have saved some grief if we had considered that ahead of time?
Some potential situations we did address, I remember being confused when she asked me how I liked to do things regarding brushing my teeth. Specifically she wanted to know do I squeeze the tube from the bottom up or do I squeeze it in the middle. Apparently this was important for her to know, she did not want to risk being married to a heathen middle tube squeezer. After all they are so crude don’t you know.
Just Kidding.
But the point was she was trying to look for possible conflicts in order to head them off. And that was very wise of her.
I think we all ought to do that. But I also think we need a list of things that are important to us things that we can go to a prospective mate and say, “how do you feel about this?”
Please do not limit yourself either! Don’t decide that there is something that you feel is too embarrassing to share with your future mate. After all you are planning to spend the rest of your life with him/her and believe me eventually the subject will come up.
Do you like to wear men’s underwear for pajamas? Ask him if he is ok with you borrowing from his dresser. Chances are he will actually be turned on at the site of you in his boxers. But you need to know now not later.
Do you really hope she will wear silk teddies to bed every night? Ask if she is up for it. It may be that she prefers flannel because well darn it, it just gets WAY to cold at night.
Maybe you like to brush your teeth while hanging upside down in the doorway. You better get that info out there before your wedding night when she freaks out because, to her eyes, your doing a vampire impression before bed.
And that does need to go all the way to the bedroom (or not if that is your quirk). Now don’t get me wrong here.
I believe in God and Jesus and I do not, will not and can not condone premarital or extra marital sex (or any other form of sexual immorality). BUT there is a need here to know what you are getting into, and the best way to know is to talk about it.
Do you wonder what it would be like to experience sex in the shower? Ask your future “maybe lover” how s/he feels about it.
Think that you might want to try oral sex? Make sure that will be ok with him/her.
What about any number of other possibilities, Special fantasies, dreams or wishes. Maybe you want to “experiment” with some weird or kinky stuff? Clear those decks before you get tied up with someone. (I do not mean literally… unless that really is your thing.)
As a society we need to realize that sex is out there, and it is one area where you can really get screwed up. I have seen it. I know of a lady who went through several relationships never really feeling satisfied with her love life. In part because she was not careful with her sexual feelings. She never got to the point to realize what she wanted and to tell her future mate/s. All that led to infidelity (in one relationship at least, the blame was on both sides). It cost her more than one marriage, and it harmed her child too.
Speaking as a man I can tell you that we are inundated with sex, worse for many of us is that it comes from all sides.
Now some people will make the mistake of thinking that I mean outside pressures only, but no I mean ALL sides inside as well as out.
We have hormones raging inside us wanting to experience a feeling of release and that comes from… SEX.
That is the inside pressure, we also see it all over. Not just in pornography either. There is literally NO way to escape from the whole sex thing.
It is in the movies we see, it is in the books we read, it is taught at school, our peers talk it about, it is on TV
It is EVERYWHERE.
We cannot escape it and sometimes we even seek it because, heaven help us, it is so addictive and it makes us feel so good!
The release of sexual pressure brings all kinds of other release with it. Stress reduction, emotional and physical. It releases endorphins that make us feel good, even giddy. And frankly like a junkie we can crave that feeling.
But because of all the conversations we have in school, at work, while playing a friendly game… wherever. And because of all the pressure society throws at us we have ideas of what we want to try. We need to make sure that our prospective wives or husbands also are open to trying those things too.
Now as a father of girls I want to briefly talk to you ladies.
If your guy/man reads this and comes to you saying, “Hey baby I wanna try oral sex!” or something else like that, first of all do not blame me for the corny approach, that was all him.
Second of all, if that is not your thing, feel free to say, “I am not interested in trying that.” He may find this to be a “downer”, especially if he DID start out with that corny line. But first you need to respect yourself and you also need to respect him.
Third of all even if you are interested in what he is proposing WAIT until you are married. You can say something like… “ Hey that sounds like something I would like to try but it will need to wait till I am married to you.”
While you are at it this is an EXCELLENT time to talk about what you want and what he wants to try sexually.
By the way, if I might digress here, do NOT use this as a point to pressure him into marrying you. Be honest with him and with yourself. Trapping someone in a marriage because you think that’s what you want is not the answer… you have got to know!
Guys… HINT, HINT!!! Read what I just wrote to the girls. Do not pressure your potential wife to do something she isn’t interested in, and really do not try to make her do it right now. Wait for it, respect her, and respect yourself.
Save it for the honeymoon. But you do need to have this conversation at some time. Maybe it could start out with a little, “hey I am curious, what would you think of the idea of oral sex?” keep it light at first, believe me it will get heavy enough as you go on.
Do this in a way that is innocent and by the way, if you start to feel your control slipping STOP the conversation. You do NOT want this to turn into a loss of control which you will later regret.
Instead you can change the subject, after all there is more to life than sex. And there are other things that can trip you up in life. Talk about money, is she a spender? Is he? Do you like Chinese food? Does he hate it? Do you like Mexican food? Does she fear to eat Mexican because it might “make her gassy”?
These are things that it is good to know. After all if you like the Hawaiian style pizza and she prefers pepperoni ONE of you is going to be unhappy, and that can be almost as bad as the sex thing.
Parents, I want to approach another angle to this, one that I have, so far, neglected. You may be thinking, “boy I didn’t know this could be such a problem. I will take away my son’s/daughter’s t.v. watching privileges.”
The thing is if it isn’t the TV, then it is the movies.
You take away the movies and it is the computer.
You take away the computer and it is the books s/he is getting at the library.
You take away the books and it is their peers in little league, boy scouts or girl scouts.
You take away the extra curricular activities and it is the friends and classmates at school.
You put them in a Christian or magnet school? That changes nothing.
You homeschool them and it is the social networking you have to develop to socialize them.
It is in their youth groups at church. It is SOMEWHERE in their lives.
Like I said these pressures are literally everywhere. S/He has questions and you need to have the answers.
OR you need to make sure you surround them with people who have good answers. The proper answers.
Sexual immorality is very damaging. And I believe that a lot of people fall into that trap because they have not really thought it all the way through. They have not come to terms with what they like or who they are and instead they live a life that is forced on them by society.
I once read about people who are “asexual”. They have no desire to have any kind of sex at all. A lot of “regular” people interviewed for the article simply could NOT fathom the idea. They had no concept. Some of those “regulars” asserted that it just “couldn’t be true” and that the “asexuals” were “denying their real emotions.”
After reading the article myself I had absolutely no doubt that these people were exactly as they claimed. (Odd as it might seem to me…) but if those “regulars” had, had their way those people would have been forced into something they were not made for.
If they did not have a strong sense of self they might have been led into a lifestyle that would have made them miserable and left them trying one thing after another to try to make up for their supposed inadequacies.
In our society today we have a large amount of people who do not know who they are, emotionally, physically or spiritually. And we do them a disservice in not allowing them to find out for themselves instead forcing them into molds we (meaning society) make for them.
Again, for the record, I am not condoning any aberrations.
It is possible, I think, that some people are led to sexual deviance simply because society tells them “hey you don’t like that? Then you must be one of them.” (Substitute what you will for “that” and “them”)
Anyway those are my “profound” (shnork) thoughts on the subject of preparing for marriage. I hope that when you do get married you have a full and happy life, with the husband/wife who makes your life whole as I have done myself.
I was thinking recently… hmm how many times have I used that phrase? Maybe I ought to make it my catch phrase… ANYWAY… recently it came to mind that a lot of people out there might not be as prepared to get married as they think they are.
What I would advise you all to do, those of you who are looking for a significant other i.e.: spouse, is that you make sure that you are compatible.
That is to say, make sure that you and your intended are on the same wavelength regarding certain aspects of your lives.
For example, I love my wife and I am very happy to be married to her. I should have considered how she felt about martial arts before we got married though. Frankly she really isn’t interested in them and she will not consider even trying them to see if they would suit her. On the other hand I am not much of a thrill junky when it comes to roller coasters, and she loves them greatly.
These are situations with which we each have had to deal; and deal with them we have. But could we have saved some grief if we had considered that ahead of time?
Some potential situations we did address, I remember being confused when she asked me how I liked to do things regarding brushing my teeth. Specifically she wanted to know do I squeeze the tube from the bottom up or do I squeeze it in the middle. Apparently this was important for her to know, she did not want to risk being married to a heathen middle tube squeezer. After all they are so crude don’t you know.
Just Kidding.
But the point was she was trying to look for possible conflicts in order to head them off. And that was very wise of her.
I think we all ought to do that. But I also think we need a list of things that are important to us things that we can go to a prospective mate and say, “how do you feel about this?”
Please do not limit yourself either! Don’t decide that there is something that you feel is too embarrassing to share with your future mate. After all you are planning to spend the rest of your life with him/her and believe me eventually the subject will come up.
Do you like to wear men’s underwear for pajamas? Ask him if he is ok with you borrowing from his dresser. Chances are he will actually be turned on at the site of you in his boxers. But you need to know now not later.
Do you really hope she will wear silk teddies to bed every night? Ask if she is up for it. It may be that she prefers flannel because well darn it, it just gets WAY to cold at night.
Maybe you like to brush your teeth while hanging upside down in the doorway. You better get that info out there before your wedding night when she freaks out because, to her eyes, your doing a vampire impression before bed.
And that does need to go all the way to the bedroom (or not if that is your quirk). Now don’t get me wrong here.
I believe in God and Jesus and I do not, will not and can not condone premarital or extra marital sex (or any other form of sexual immorality). BUT there is a need here to know what you are getting into, and the best way to know is to talk about it.
Do you wonder what it would be like to experience sex in the shower? Ask your future “maybe lover” how s/he feels about it.
Think that you might want to try oral sex? Make sure that will be ok with him/her.
What about any number of other possibilities, Special fantasies, dreams or wishes. Maybe you want to “experiment” with some weird or kinky stuff? Clear those decks before you get tied up with someone. (I do not mean literally… unless that really is your thing.)
As a society we need to realize that sex is out there, and it is one area where you can really get screwed up. I have seen it. I know of a lady who went through several relationships never really feeling satisfied with her love life. In part because she was not careful with her sexual feelings. She never got to the point to realize what she wanted and to tell her future mate/s. All that led to infidelity (in one relationship at least, the blame was on both sides). It cost her more than one marriage, and it harmed her child too.
Speaking as a man I can tell you that we are inundated with sex, worse for many of us is that it comes from all sides.
Now some people will make the mistake of thinking that I mean outside pressures only, but no I mean ALL sides inside as well as out.
We have hormones raging inside us wanting to experience a feeling of release and that comes from… SEX.
That is the inside pressure, we also see it all over. Not just in pornography either. There is literally NO way to escape from the whole sex thing.
It is in the movies we see, it is in the books we read, it is taught at school, our peers talk it about, it is on TV
It is EVERYWHERE.
We cannot escape it and sometimes we even seek it because, heaven help us, it is so addictive and it makes us feel so good!
The release of sexual pressure brings all kinds of other release with it. Stress reduction, emotional and physical. It releases endorphins that make us feel good, even giddy. And frankly like a junkie we can crave that feeling.
But because of all the conversations we have in school, at work, while playing a friendly game… wherever. And because of all the pressure society throws at us we have ideas of what we want to try. We need to make sure that our prospective wives or husbands also are open to trying those things too.
Now as a father of girls I want to briefly talk to you ladies.
If your guy/man reads this and comes to you saying, “Hey baby I wanna try oral sex!” or something else like that, first of all do not blame me for the corny approach, that was all him.
Second of all, if that is not your thing, feel free to say, “I am not interested in trying that.” He may find this to be a “downer”, especially if he DID start out with that corny line. But first you need to respect yourself and you also need to respect him.
Third of all even if you are interested in what he is proposing WAIT until you are married. You can say something like… “ Hey that sounds like something I would like to try but it will need to wait till I am married to you.”
While you are at it this is an EXCELLENT time to talk about what you want and what he wants to try sexually.
By the way, if I might digress here, do NOT use this as a point to pressure him into marrying you. Be honest with him and with yourself. Trapping someone in a marriage because you think that’s what you want is not the answer… you have got to know!
Guys… HINT, HINT!!! Read what I just wrote to the girls. Do not pressure your potential wife to do something she isn’t interested in, and really do not try to make her do it right now. Wait for it, respect her, and respect yourself.
Save it for the honeymoon. But you do need to have this conversation at some time. Maybe it could start out with a little, “hey I am curious, what would you think of the idea of oral sex?” keep it light at first, believe me it will get heavy enough as you go on.
Do this in a way that is innocent and by the way, if you start to feel your control slipping STOP the conversation. You do NOT want this to turn into a loss of control which you will later regret.
Instead you can change the subject, after all there is more to life than sex. And there are other things that can trip you up in life. Talk about money, is she a spender? Is he? Do you like Chinese food? Does he hate it? Do you like Mexican food? Does she fear to eat Mexican because it might “make her gassy”?
These are things that it is good to know. After all if you like the Hawaiian style pizza and she prefers pepperoni ONE of you is going to be unhappy, and that can be almost as bad as the sex thing.
Parents, I want to approach another angle to this, one that I have, so far, neglected. You may be thinking, “boy I didn’t know this could be such a problem. I will take away my son’s/daughter’s t.v. watching privileges.”
The thing is if it isn’t the TV, then it is the movies.
You take away the movies and it is the computer.
You take away the computer and it is the books s/he is getting at the library.
You take away the books and it is their peers in little league, boy scouts or girl scouts.
You take away the extra curricular activities and it is the friends and classmates at school.
You put them in a Christian or magnet school? That changes nothing.
You homeschool them and it is the social networking you have to develop to socialize them.
It is in their youth groups at church. It is SOMEWHERE in their lives.
Like I said these pressures are literally everywhere. S/He has questions and you need to have the answers.
OR you need to make sure you surround them with people who have good answers. The proper answers.
Sexual immorality is very damaging. And I believe that a lot of people fall into that trap because they have not really thought it all the way through. They have not come to terms with what they like or who they are and instead they live a life that is forced on them by society.
I once read about people who are “asexual”. They have no desire to have any kind of sex at all. A lot of “regular” people interviewed for the article simply could NOT fathom the idea. They had no concept. Some of those “regulars” asserted that it just “couldn’t be true” and that the “asexuals” were “denying their real emotions.”
After reading the article myself I had absolutely no doubt that these people were exactly as they claimed. (Odd as it might seem to me…) but if those “regulars” had, had their way those people would have been forced into something they were not made for.
If they did not have a strong sense of self they might have been led into a lifestyle that would have made them miserable and left them trying one thing after another to try to make up for their supposed inadequacies.
In our society today we have a large amount of people who do not know who they are, emotionally, physically or spiritually. And we do them a disservice in not allowing them to find out for themselves instead forcing them into molds we (meaning society) make for them.
Again, for the record, I am not condoning any aberrations.
It is possible, I think, that some people are led to sexual deviance simply because society tells them “hey you don’t like that? Then you must be one of them.” (Substitute what you will for “that” and “them”)
Anyway those are my “profound” (shnork) thoughts on the subject of preparing for marriage. I hope that when you do get married you have a full and happy life, with the husband/wife who makes your life whole as I have done myself.
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