OF SECURITY AND WEAPONS:

A couple of weeks ago there was a big broo ha ha about another guy who went to work armed and killed some people before killing himself.
On a radio talk show a couple of nights later a caller was trying to say that these businesses needed to allow all the employees to be armed on the job, that would be a deterrent to these people coming in and killing others.
There was quite the debate about it. And the point was made that if the business did that they could be held legally responsible if another shooting did occur. And the host also pointed out that these people often kill themselves in these cases. So the thought of dieing is not as much a “deterrent” as they might be. The man intended to die. What does it matter to him then if someone else pulls the trigger instead?

So then the discussion went to “maybe the businesses ought to all get security guards.”

But then you have the point that the guy is wearing a uniform that just means he will be the first one killed. He is a target. Most security officers are not armed and they are mostly a stop gap measure with orders to call the police or fire department if anything happens. Well any fool can pick up a phone and dial 911 that still doesn’t do anything.
Which led to the idea that the host had which was ALL security officers ought to be armed.

OHHHH KKAAAAAYYYYY. Let’s think about this now. I am a security officer, As such I would agree that I ought to be armed. I know how to handle myself and I know how to handle a gun. I am a firm believer in gun rights and I think that My carrying a weapon would improve my efficiency in the work place and allow me a feeling of security that come what may I can deal with any issue that comes up.
Likewise I think that it is a good thing to have all security officers trained in CPR and First aid… BUT I have also been a leader of security forces in various situations and I have worked in areas where the local law enforcement were pinheads and with that in mind I would be VERY hesitant to say that security officers should be armed.

For example, I once worked with one kid who actually managed to be literally scared of his own shadow. (one weekend he was on duty by himself, the end result made for funny reading but scary thinking.) I would unequivocally state that he should not have a gun PERIOD. Another time There was a disturbance near the place I worked, as I was investigating my perimeter some overzealous cops pulled down on me (drew their guns on me). And I had to explain to them who I was and what I was doing. I believe if I had been armed in that moment they would have shot me outright.

Security officers are generally not given much respect, they are called “rent a cops” or “cop wanabees”. this means that there are people working in this field who are not always the best of the best. You get a certain percentage of riff raff.

Because there is a negative onus and a great need for security, you get people hired who have no business providing security for anyone.

But there you go.
I think in order to get a better breed of security officer as well as many other “service” positions (Janitors, School bus drivers, Teachers, police officers, soldiers, politicians, etc) you first have to give them the respect they are due. That is to say give them respect for what they stand for. That officer (security or police) is an authority, respect that authority, they are prepared to stand between you and danger respect them for that, they will keep you safe, respect them for that.
That teacher or bus driver is trying to help your child to be all s/he can be, respect them for it… and so on. I have served in many positions like that and I have noticed an appalling lack of respect for those kinds of jobs. That means you get worse people in those jobs that means that you, your child, your safety are at risk. All for the lack of respect.
Once you do that you can start arming guards because they will finally have a reason to be good people who will stand there and defend you all the way.

Until then I say we need to be very careful about who is armed in our security forces. It will all need to be done on a case by case basis.

PARENTHOOD FOR MEN PART TRES... THE FINALE

As I posted last time, this series is about the failings of my father figures and how we ought to try to avoid these traps.
Here I will give you a little bit of an idea what NOT to do as A dad.

I am now talking about my mom's fourth attempt at providing me with an immediate "father figure" to learn from.

I think I will call this individual "Stepdad".

The sad fact of the matter is that when it came to being a dad he always seemed too judgmental to me, Yes I know ALL teenagers think their dad is too judgmental, but he really did jump to conclusions too easily.
An example of this is one time, after I had moved out of the house and was on my own, I went and dug through the boxes I had stored away with all my old junk and found the Polaroid camera I had received as a birthday gift when I was 16 years old.

When He saw it He got mad, he never explained to me why, I had to find out from my mom but apparently he was upset because he ASSUMED that I had recently bought it and he didn't think I ought to be spending my money on such "frivolous items".
He never asked where it came from, if he ever had it explained to him, and I understand he did, he never apologized for the way he treated me about it.

What was really frustrating about this was, if he was being a fatherly type that would have been ok, if he had put in the time to try and TEACH me anything that would have even been justified to some extent.

But he didn't earn the right to be concerned, He never tried to teach me anything. MAybe he thought I was past being able to learn.

One of the things I DID learn (after I got married) is that when you eneter into a new relationship with someone you CANNOT expect them to have the same learning, values or life experiences as you.
You have to talk, you have to listen and you have to be open to understanding where the other person is coming from. In other words you have to COMMUNICATE.
that is one of the things I wish I had learned from a "dad" but never did, would'a probably made life a LOT easier for my wife and I in our first year.

Fortunately I like to think that our living situation really helped. we were living in a "studio" apartment at the time so we had to communicate we couldn't just walk away from each other.


But I digress...

I still think that "stepdad" had no right to be angry since he never made the effort, as far as I could see, to care about me. And he NEVER tried to teach me any kind of "fiscal responsibility.
If you read my last post you know what Fiscal teaching I had experienced up to that point.
The problem was that it was just assumed by him, that I ought to just KNOW.

I do not know how I should have known since the only kind of budget advice I had ever received up to that point was literally, "make sure you spend it on your truck or your girl."

My stepfather never seemed to take into consideration any of my feelings or emotions and he certainly never asked me, and every time he did something that hurt me, if I tried to bring it up his response was generally dismissive along the lines of it being MY fault.
As in it was MY fault that I was offended, hurt and depressed when he "deliberately" planned a party that eclipsed my birthday.(Remember this would be from a teenagers point of view, it might not have been quite so Deliberate, but it certainly WAS inconsiderate and it left it's scar as a result.)

The declaration was that this was their wedding party (they got married a couple weeks before,) and it was a "welcome home party for his daughter.

But they still called it my birthday party and then invited a bunch of people I didn't know, and when I cornered Him and my mom on it they said
"1 you don't have enough friends that we know to make this a good party, and we wouldn't know any of them anyway,
2 it is also about us getting married and Stepsis coming to be with us and
3 You need to meet new people anyway."

Total disregard for my position... I know this sounds kinda whiny and I am sorry that it does. But this is the kind of thing I was trying to cope with as a teenager. And teens tend to be self-centered.
Instead of realizing this and instead of trying to create a trusting father-son bond he jumped ahead with a plan that left me in a movie theater with a couple of my friends crying for myself (definitely self centered)because "nobody gave a Bleep about me".
The topper was that I was the "inconsiderate one" because I wasn't there to blow out the candles on "my" cake.

Oh the hypocrisy... but back to the point...

Again,I have to point out, The statement I heard loud and clear from "Stepdad" (and mom) was,"This party isn't about YOU, How selfish for you to expect a birthday party on your birthday... this is about your mother and I getting married, this is about "Stepsis" coming to stay, this is about bringing strangers into our home and forcing you to be uncomfortable and unhappy on this day, even though we refuse to do the same with regards to YOUR friends."

But, still, it was MY fault that I was upset and it was my fault that I wasn't there to blow out the candles on "my" cake when it was NOT MY party and He and his invited friends had chased me away in the first place.

See I had to make the effort to get to know his life and his friends but he couldn't be bothered to try to do the same for me.

Anyway the point there is that you have to develop trust and BE a father.
He wanted ME to do all the work while he sat back and got all the Kudos for being an "involved father" of his new wife's teen aged son.

And that attitude continued until the day He drove me away from the family.
Yes that's right, again HE ASSUMED something, and when I didn't know what he was talking about he got angry and literally yelled at me that I was never to call, write or visit him or his wife (my mom) EVER again.( I still am kinda confused but apparently it has something to do with a decision my wife and I had to make about buying a house and a phone call my mom made to me.)

He did this in front of witnesses... I do not make this up.

To this day he will not have anything more to do with me than absolutely necessary.

(not a big surprise... he has apparently done the same thing to his daughter, I recently made contact with her and between what she has to say and what I heard from him and my mom this seems to be all on his side of the coin, and he was estranged from his own,"abusive", father until his dad was literally on his death bed.)

I can sympathize with him about having an abusive father and I can try to understand, if he would give me the chance to, about the issues he has been through, but he won't try.

Really, when I look back at all the male role models I had selected for me, all together too often in every one of the cases I was shown in my memory, I had to be the Adult... whether I was 6 or 16.
That can be wearing on a kid... Worse that can be a heavy burden when you become a husband or father. What we need is Dad's who will be there for their kids and be THE adult man. As a dad you have a BUNCH of responsibilities.

You have to be the one who cares for the child. PERIOD. It is not the child's responsibility to take care of you.

You have the burden of teaching the Child. You are tasked by God to raise that child, it doesn't even matter if it is your child, one you adopted or just one that has been brought into your life by God or "circumstances".
If you are the male role model in the kid's life YOU NEED TO BE THAT ROLE MODEL.

You need to start by developing real trust with the kid/s. this does not mean you are their buddy, you are more than that. This is where you listen,and this is where you teach.
You do what they NEED you to do. There will be times when They will say "I HATE YOU" (ok ok they will scream it not say it) "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU AREN'T EVEN MY REAL FATHER".(That last one is for all the step-dads, adoptive dads, foster dads or "acting" dads out there.)

But in spite of all that YOU are the one who has to do the work.
YOU are the one who WILL BE HURT.

Kids have feelings, they have emotions they have fears and hopes and insecurities, JUST LIKE YOU.But YOU are the adult, YOU are the one they will look to for learning EVEN when it seems they are pushing you aside, You need to help them learn to cope with all they are facing.

They NEED to have a safe place to let off the steam, and it is up to you to provide that place, that is the awesome thing about being a dad.
You want the privilege of being called dad? you want kudos for raising the kid/s? Then you have to put in the work.
This is tough, ESPECIALLY when they are teens.
And even when you are hurt you YES YOU need to let them yell, let it roll off and be an adult loving them and letting them know through your actions and words that you DO love them UNCONDITIONALLY, and you will be there for them.
YOU have to teach them how to communicate so that at least YOU can understand them.
DO NOT expect the kid/s to do this... this is part and parcel of being FIRST an adult and SECOND a dad.

That is the responsibility that comes with the privilege of father hood.

PARENTHOOD FOR MEN PART DEUX

I want to revisit the idea of fatherhood.

I will probably split this into two posts because I have a LOT of venting to do here, So please watch for the next post coming soon...

Now technically in my life there were four guy's whom I ought to have been able to expect to provide "fatherly guidance" for me. unfortunately they all seem to have fallen short.
Many of the ideas I have on how to raise kids (as far as they come from these "examples) are based on "that's what NOT to do when raising my kid/s".

As a young boy growing up one of the things that none of them ever did was create a bond of trust with me so that I could go to them when I had a question or worry or anything.
That MIGHT have been, in part, because of my mother's influence, and in part it could have been some stubborn selfishness on my part, I admit that I was a little spoiled at times, But looking back I would have to say they also to a man displayed selfishness of their own.

Back then as a son and now as a father I believe that if you are going to be the DAD you HAVE to do the work of the dad! and none of them did.

I barely knew my "biological father" since he and my mom got divorced before ANY of my memories kick in. but from what I have heard he wasn't to great a guy back then, and he was even physically abusive.
I would forgive him if I remembered any of the things that people claim he did.
But as it is I simply state this as a point/matter of fact.

I did meet him once when I had grown up, and I suppose we got along ok, but I never got to know him in any "meaningful" or "fatherly" way.
The time when I did meet him, after growing up, There was only the one time and he never indicated any interest in ever seeing me again. it was a meeting of strangers and that was it.

With the Second Man my mom placed as the male role model in my life, the relationship could be termed more akin to sibling rivalry.
He was too busy "fighting me" for my mother's attention to really turn into a good role model.
Mind you there were moments when he did try, ( he once gave me a peice of advice on how to handle my finances..."you need to make sure that you spend most of your money on your truck or your girl". IN THAT ORDER.)

Of course when he and my mom got divorced the relationship between the two of us dramatically improved.

The one good thing I can say he taught me was how to come to terms with your adult child when that child is now in position to make all his/her own choices. In other words how to respect the maturity of your adult child/ren.

Looking back on it, I really Wish he had taken the time to take me fishing once in a while, or other one on one moments to try to create that bond between a father and a son, Although I did enjoy horseback riding, and so did he.

I wish he would have taught me how to treat a woman PROPERLY, I wish he had taught me the simple little every day moments in life... How to shave, How to know who I am, how to be brave when everything around is going to... well bad places, how to face adversity, how to be a good husband and father. Instead I learned most of those kinds of things by hit or miss, and I missed a LOT more than I hit.



As for the third man... My mom uprooted us to move us clear across the country to be with this guy, when he turned out to be looking more for a slave than a wife she turned to me to be the man helping her in life and THAT led to him eventually threatening my life... LITERALLY.
I was told, as we were planning to move back to our home in Arizona, that "if [I] EVER was in the area again, either [he] or one of [his] sons would hunt [me] down and kill [me]".
He blamed me for the rift that HE caused between him and my mom, and threatened me with bodily harm. (I was about 16 at the time.)

That is enough for today... keep watching for the finale. It is a bit of a doozy... partly because up till now everything is past tense... in the final installment we will deal with... "current events" as it were.

HISTORY ALL OVER AGAIN:

I recently thought of something. There is a classic quote, Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

And it has occurred to me that it is clear the people in our government and even a lot of the people in society in general seem to have forgotten most of our country’s and world’s history.

I have heard the current U.S. sociopolitical climate described as being just like early socialist Germany 1930’s or even America of the depression and dustbowl pre WW2 era, or America circa 1860 or America about 1774ish…
This made me wonder if it isn’t just that we have forgotten so MUCH history as a society that we are now doomed to repeat All of it All at once.?
Think about it, what if we are doomed to repeat that which we forgot and we forgot ALL of that… well what is left for us to do but fight WW2, the Civil war and the Revolutionary war all over again while going through the great depression too…SIMULTANEOUSLY! Now there is a thought that makes me shudder.

Diet? NO!

recently I actually linked two different events that I wanted to blog about but until I talked with my wife I did not realize how linked they may actually be.

The reason I linked them was because I heard them both on the news and they both disturbed me. the first one was my alarm about a new dietary practice called carb rinsing.
As best as I can tell the idea is that you fake your body out by making it think you are eating/ drinking carbs but before you actually swallow the item/s you are "consuming" you spit it out. your body will respond by thinking that you ate them so it has to use the "energy" from those carb's therefore you burn the energy represented by those carbs without replacing them thereby burning fat.
The first problem I thought of was... " anytime you try to fool your body, you are heading down a dangerous road." think about it the reason why this would work is because your body "knows" how many carbs are in the item you are "eating". it had to learn this information somehow, most likely from experience. so now the experience it will have is the "carbs I used to get are not going as far... I'm going to have to change the way I burn/use them." that becomes defeating to the problem you are trying to address.
The other problem I saw thought of was, What about all the food you are wasting this way? I mean come on only people who have a total disdain for food (and big pockets) would think that it is OK to waste food by chewing on it and then spitting it out. Especially, and yes I know I sound like a parent here, when there are starving children and people all over the world.

How troublesome is that?

Maybe instead of worrying about the newest diet we ought to simply eat sensibly all the time and exercise regularly.

The other issue was when I heard a news blurb about how girls are hitting puberty at a younger age. the report stated that the age of puberty is down to 7 years old for some of these kids.

I was disturbed by this because I have three girls. but also immediately disturbed because the oldest is 6.

But, like I said, my wife thought of an aspect hat links these two issue even closer.
My wife is a proponent for breast feeding. And all our kids were raised that way. and the thing that bothers her is that too many mothers jump to formula too quickly.
Now don't get her wrong, she understnads the issues facing some mothers out there. she knows that breast feeding can be painful (she's done it she knows what it's like) and she knows that there are some out there who cannot do it for whatever reason.

But her point on this issue was that she believes that the prevalence of formula has led to this new issue of early puberty.

Her point... Women are using more formula, which means more children cannot handle the Milk based formulas (just by the law of averages) so more children are being raised on soy based formulas. as we have seen, soy increases estrogen or estrogen like properties in the body, estrogen is a major factor in women issues like puberty. so my wife believes that the probability is that these children are reaching puberty at such A young age because they are being fed soy based formula at a young age. and I think her reasoning is sound.

So we really ought to watch what we eat a little better and stop trying to make new ways to use food that fool the body... because as sneaky as people might be their bodies are not so easily fooled.

Thinking on the edges.

Well here is an interesting issue for me.

Last Saturday I was up late totally absorbed in a Terry Pratchet book. One of the things his main character in the book was dealing with was trying to think of something that was lurking on the edge of her thought.

It made me think of quite an interesting point, how many times have I also done the same thing? I have often had thoughts on the edge of my mind which I could not quite grasp.

I wonder if that happens to others... I think it does.

But then I wondered why people don't search for those thoughts. most of us, myself included, tend to just write off the issue and don't chase those thoughts down and I wonder why.

I think we all are trying to escape too much. If you think about it our society has been pushing for a long time to make us all easily distracted.

I am aware of my escapism tendencies, I have always looked to reading to escape. Sci Fi Fantasy, mystery... didn't really matter which, as long as I could use those books to get away from it all.

Today there are a lot of other choices to distract and escape. And at each stage it gets more invasive and total.
It started with Radio then it moved to movies, then T.V. then Video/s then DVD's now Blue-ray's. Then there are also the video games... it started with the Commodore's and now you have Xbox and Wii and PlayStation, the graphics are being touted as "awesome" or "lifelike". And they are but this isn't necessarily a good thing.

Maybe as a nation we need to grow up and learn how to face ourselves again.

What a week!

well this last week was quite the doozy. If you read my last post you know what was going on then, but after that post I got a call from the babysitter I had planned for. She said she wasn't going to be able to help out. So even though our 10th anniversary was last Wednesday, we are going to have to go out to dinner this next week instead.

Ah well

Also had some fun dealing with a little more illness as well.

But hey we are all still alive so...
I suppose we had a good weekend, I wish I had gotten something better for my wife but apparently that wasn't going to happen... something I ordered wasn't sent, but at least I wasn't charged for it either.
And a lot of the other things I looked at were expensive ad I wasn't sure if the wife would be o.k. if I bought them. I still suffer from the scars of a time when my dad, wanting to do something nice for my mom, got reamed by her for spending money on the piano he bought.

But all in all I am looking forward to the next week. I have a couple of plans lined up this time and about three babysitters to contact if the first bails... at least I hope I do, the best laid plans of mice and men and all that you know.

School starts soon for the girls and tomorrow we have to meet with a representative of Megan's preschool. that should be fun.

Hope all is well with you, until the next time...