PARENTHOOD

I know that this is supposed to be my "light" blog, but, with father's day on the way it occurs to me to bring up a point that is very near to my heart.
See I believe that being A dad is more than just making a baby.

I feel I am very well qualified to judge on the subject for several reasons.

First on the basis of having been a son.

Second on the fact that I have had Three "dads".

Third, even with the first two qualifications, I feel that I never had a GOOD male role model while growing up.

And Fourth, I am a dad. And what's more in my honest opinion I am doing a fair job (maybe even a good one) in being a dad to my children (at least a better job than was done by the role models I had.)

I have actually classified the different names of a dad.

First, there is a father, this is the guy who gives life. A father helps to "create" the child but there is not much more than that.

Second, you have Dad, a guy who is there when needed, sometimes fun, you can "pal around" as it were, with him.

Third is Daddy, this is a close relationship, daddy is a friend and supporter of you, daddy is who you run to for love and comfort when you are hurt in body or heart.

So, if you are a male parent, which are you? You can be all three or any combination of the three. But you probably do fall under one of these.

My advice today is geared towards fathers but mothers can benefit too.

First take the time to be with you kids.
You need to take the time to show them that they are more important than the video games or T.V. set or the baseball game or work or...
Well I think you get the idea.

Second help them to grow! my male role models never bothered to teach me the simple stuff like how to shave, or how to talk to a girl. (They never even bothered to show me how the things they cared about worked; let alone the things I needed to function in life. I never learned about base ball, cars or football from my dad, let alone Shaving, job hunting, Dating...I had to go out and figure these out on my own.)

Third let them know you love and care about them. None of my Male role models ever saw fit to let me know that I mattered.
The message I got from ALL of them was they were the important one, they were the one that mattered And I was generally little more than a useless blob of tissue taking up space in their presence (or that I was there as their personal servant.)

Out of all of them the best I got was my adoptive father who at least cared enough to adopt me.
The first man, the one who fathered me, told my mom effectively that he wanted nothing to do with me when they divorced.

My adoptive father (or dad from now on.) didn't know how to show love to more than one person at a time. (In fact I was constantly in a state of what is called sibling rivalry with him since he was always fighting with me for my mother's affection.)

As for my Stepfather, well to give him the benefit of the doubt he did have a daughter of his own and a lot of difficulties linked with that, and a REALLY bad relationship with his own father, not to mention his ex-wife.
But still the most memorable thing I got from him was A BUNCH of really LOUSY birthdays.
The first one after he became my stepfather was a party that he decided (probably with my mom's help) needed to be their wedding reception.
Even though they got married weeks before, they chose to celebrate on my birthday.
Making me feel left out because, in the end, the party was for them and their friends, not me.
And I or my feelings Or my birthday didn't matter (My friends were all made to feel unwelcome and they left after spending VERY little time there).

Then there was the Birthday where his grand gift to me was to kick me out of the house. His great contribution to me was to make me homeless.

He might have thought these things were in my best interests but he didn't think it through.
In fact when I finally confronted him and mom about the first example the response I got was "well you didn't have all that many friends and we wanted a good party besides you just need to grow up and learn how to make friends".
The end result though was that I now have an even harder time interacting with people; even the ones I am close to because all I expect is disappointment.
(It is true I have suffered from a mild depression ever since.)
As for my second example... I do not like to talk about it much. Suffice it to say that I was hurt. Badly.

See they were never the kinds of role models I needed. I think I said more here than I intended but maybe it's good to get it off my chest anyway.

Please be a good dad! if you are a single mom I would encourage you to find a good man to be a role model for your child.

What is a good role model?

If you have a son, a good role model is one who will teach the little things to him, shaving, sports, Finances, etc.
If at all possible this should also be a man who shows the boy how to love and care for a wife (When I say love I do not mean have intimacy with, I mean do loving things for, thinking of her needs first).
A Man who will encourage (not push) and support (not name call) the boy.
He shows the boy how to defend himself appropriately.
Someone who will make it unequivocally clear that no matter what the boy does he is loved unconditionally.
And Showing the boy there does not need to be competition for the mother's love.

However if you have A daughter, a good male role model shows her how to expect to be treated by a boy.(WELL)
He will give her the sense of self that allows her to be equal in her relationships.
Again He will encourage (not push) and support (not name call) the girl, he will make it unequivocally clear that no matter what the girl does she is loved Totally and unconditionally.
And he will protect her from the dangers that are out there that are relatively unique to girls. (He can even show her how to defend herself too.)

A positive male role model offers protection to the child (Son or Daughter)A man who will defend the child and child's mother, standing up for what is right.
A man who knows how to control his appetites not becoming addicted or abusive.
And he would also be a man who takes the time to learn about the child he is role modeling for.
He figures out What it is that makes the child tick, He is then ready to teach that child in the way that the child can learn NOT in the way that "father" "knows" how to teach.
(Yes that's right a good father keeps learning and growing putting others first.)

See I had a "Father" who gave me life, then rejected me, I know what that is like.
I had a "dad" who adopted me, but was never a good role model (until after he divorced my mom and the rivalry ended but then he died of cancer a few years later.) I even had a step father. but I never had a daddy.

Please help your child to have a better childhood than I had. Please give your child a daddy.

Love them
Teach them
Show them
Support them
Care for them
and yes, when they get to that point where they are ready to fly the nest, Let them go.
IF you have been a good father, and taught them what they need and given them a solid foundation, THEN they will be able to FLY, and you will be able to stand there and watch them soar like eagles and you can be proud of them and all they will be able to do.
And THAT is the best thing, the best gift you can have when father's day comes around.

Ah I didn't know I was that far behind.

My wife was so funny yesterday, she had read one of my other blogs and she said she had seen the bumper sticker I was talking about and she wondered why I hadn't blogged about it yet. So I just wanted to say to here here, Sorry it took me so long. I will try to improve on things hun.
I love you!
any way
If you guys out there wish to hear my opinion on a subject drop me a line. I might even comply. And if I do and you let me know your E-mail address, I can even send you an E-mail telling you where to look for my response to your subject. (since I have several Blog's and it could break down into one other than the one you might follow.)

Allrighty then,
I hope all of you are well out there. I am probably praying for you too.

oops.

I found myself at a disadvantage last night at work. Usually I take a notebook with me so that I can log anything I think of that I want to blog or that I need to take care of.
I am turning into a real list kinda guy.

Last night I spaced the notebook partly because I thought I had a chance at getting my Laptop running again finally. For the record the disk I planned to use wouldn't work, so I am still laptopless. :-(
But
Still I guess all is well.
I still survived the night, and here I am.

I hope to come up with something good to write here soon.
We will see.

Thinkin...

I like the Movie Forrest Gump, and not just cause I know people in it... wink wink. lol
One of the things that I find Delightful about the movie is the way it throws everything on its head and puts it all into perspective.
Here is a guy who we would all consider to be well challenged. but he has lived a life some could only dream of.
He met, what, three presidents; lived during the 60's, saw Desegregation, met John Lennon, He was a celebrity, he is rich, he served in Vietnam, and so on. o.k. o.k. I know he was a fictional character, but think about the example anyway.
When he starts telling "Jenny" about his experiences it was the creation of God's that he remembered.

He waxed nostalgic about the beauty, the way the moon would shine when he was in Vietnam and the clouds would open, or the sun setting at sea, or a reflection of a mountain in a clear Colorado lake.

I think we all could benefit from things like that.
last night as I was sitting in the van I use at work I watched the lightning of a distant storm. I saw another storm do the same thing the night before. and it was beautiful. There are no words to describe it.

I got to thinking about Forrest and what he might think. then I started thinking about the things I have been through, and you know it was easy, once I tried, to think of many beautiful things I have seen.

I remember...
in Boot I saw an Amazing thunderstorm one night when I was on fire watch.
I saw a comet early in the morning blazing in the sky as we stood at attention waiting for our Drill seargent to start us doing calisthenics.
I saw the sky turn green when a storm cell came in.
and I felt the cool drizzle of a soft rain on my face the day we had to go through the gas chamber. (and believe me I appreciated it!)

I might actually be hard pressed to remember the tough things, but those came easily to my mind when I tried.

Or how about when I was a boy watching the Dust storms in AZ coming in the awe of the forces involved there. the time I was on the Country Club overpass and saw the edge of a hail/rain storm not 6 feet away never getting wet, I was actually standing in total sunlight, watching the hail viciously pound the roadway beside me and the rain soak it.
I remember the quiet peace of a balmy night as I tried to help my Aunt Cathy (who is ten years older than me) find bugs for her high school project, and listening to the soft sounds of the crickets chirping. (that sound still brings me peace today)

Or the time Bob, my mom and I all went on a vacation in Colorado and we were driving along early in the morning. I saw the sun start lighting up the landscape and the wonder I felt at watching the dark melt to grey then the colors came blazing out.

I remember the way the sky turned red when I was on fire runs and the smoke would billow up and block the light, and I remember standing on the side of a hill in the middle of the night watching the glow of a forest fire as it approached my bus (while we were trying to get it unstuck)It was beautiful to see though it could have been deadly.
Other thoughts that came were the way the moon would light the Grand canyon when it was full, the Aspen trees north of Flagstaff turning yellow, going out cutting firewood with my wife and brother in law, midnight snow falls(especially when sitting in an outdoor hot tub), and the bright sunny days of my youth when the grass would be greener than the brightest Emerald and the sky was so blue it hurt to look at it.

Those are the things to think about I think.

New air

Well there Coltinians. I have some good news! I have established new BLOG's! "what???" you might ask. Yes it is true.
I wanted to be able to voice many things. SO I am only going to post lighter things here. All my deeper thoughts will go elsewhere.
If you are interested in knowing more please contact me.

Friends

I really like the song by Michael W Smith titled "Friends are friends forever" or "Friends". It reminds me to value my friends!

I find that it can be really difficult to make a good friend, especially in this hectic society.
We all get so busy, wrapped up in our things. Work, Family, Home, Sleep... you know the little things that nag at us all the time.

I sometimes wish I could have a whole bunch of friends.
Guys to hang out with all the time or people who would really like to play board games with me all the time (and yes I do mean ALL the time.)but...

I do have some friends, like Steve A. he is a pretty good guy. and even though he is busy he made time to hang out with me to go see a movie. (thanks)

Then There is Art! this guy took out time to stop by with some software for me to try fixing my Laptop.
Also Paul R. Who even though he lives across the country he still takes the time to talk to me and try to help out with my computer issues.

And of course there is my Wife. Nuff said there... she married me... that takes quite a bit of strength and determination. (I love you hun!!!)

A good friend can be hard to find, you have to work at it a little; and quality is better than quantity. So I got a pretty good deal on the ones I have.

So real quick I want to say thank you to my friends. all of them!
If I didn't mention you I am sorry. I wanted this to be quick. But please know that if you are one of my friends I do cherish you and I hope that you are doing well as you read this. ( and if you are reading this blog chances are you are one of my friends since I am only letting my friends know about it.)

I guess this means I am more interested in having good quality friends. If I call you friend, even if you aren't on this short list, then you are a good quality friend. thank you for being in my life.

Pushing Daisies

Apparently the really awesome show, pushing Daisies is returning briefly. ABC has decided to show (I am guessing) the last three episodes on T.V. Saturdays for three weeks starting on may 30th.