I have to be honest most of the material I think of for blogging here is brought up by things I hear on the radio while at work.
SO with that in mind…
I was listening to a certain program lately, the guest on the show was talking about food companies using “human embryos” to create “genetically modified” foods and spices.
Once I got past the “eww factor” I immediately thought of the movie Soylent Green (“The green crackers are PEOPLE!”) and then right on the heels of that I thought of “how to serve mankind” (“It’s a cookbook, It’s a cookbook!”).
That triggered an interesting thought process. It occurred to me that it seems that science fiction has had more of an impact on the culture of our society than any other literary or movie source out there.
There are very few people I can think of who don’t get it when you say “beam me up” (Star trek) or “Luke, I am your father.” (Star wars).
Try using references from Mark Twain or Charles dickens and most people will probably look at you cross-eyed. Even Shakespeare doesn’t get the play that Captain Kirk does.
I thought that was an interesting point and wanted to share it with you. But more than that this Blog is one I want to use to prompt discussion.
What do you think?
What phrases or quotes do you prefer?
Please let me know.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Lists for marriage
I would like to preface this article with the statement that this is meant for people who are ready to seek out their future spouse. While I believe there is nothing here that I would not be willing to discuss with my daughters the subject might be a little heavy for some parents. Please proceed with caution.
I was thinking recently… hmm how many times have I used that phrase? Maybe I ought to make it my catch phrase… ANYWAY… recently it came to mind that a lot of people out there might not be as prepared to get married as they think they are.
What I would advise you all to do, those of you who are looking for a significant other i.e.: spouse, is that you make sure that you are compatible.
That is to say, make sure that you and your intended are on the same wavelength regarding certain aspects of your lives.
For example, I love my wife and I am very happy to be married to her. I should have considered how she felt about martial arts before we got married though. Frankly she really isn’t interested in them and she will not consider even trying them to see if they would suit her. On the other hand I am not much of a thrill junky when it comes to roller coasters, and she loves them greatly.
These are situations with which we each have had to deal; and deal with them we have. But could we have saved some grief if we had considered that ahead of time?
Some potential situations we did address, I remember being confused when she asked me how I liked to do things regarding brushing my teeth. Specifically she wanted to know do I squeeze the tube from the bottom up or do I squeeze it in the middle. Apparently this was important for her to know, she did not want to risk being married to a heathen middle tube squeezer. After all they are so crude don’t you know.
Just Kidding.
But the point was she was trying to look for possible conflicts in order to head them off. And that was very wise of her.
I think we all ought to do that. But I also think we need a list of things that are important to us things that we can go to a prospective mate and say, “how do you feel about this?”
Please do not limit yourself either! Don’t decide that there is something that you feel is too embarrassing to share with your future mate. After all you are planning to spend the rest of your life with him/her and believe me eventually the subject will come up.
Do you like to wear men’s underwear for pajamas? Ask him if he is ok with you borrowing from his dresser. Chances are he will actually be turned on at the site of you in his boxers. But you need to know now not later.
Do you really hope she will wear silk teddies to bed every night? Ask if she is up for it. It may be that she prefers flannel because well darn it, it just gets WAY to cold at night.
Maybe you like to brush your teeth while hanging upside down in the doorway. You better get that info out there before your wedding night when she freaks out because, to her eyes, your doing a vampire impression before bed.
And that does need to go all the way to the bedroom (or not if that is your quirk). Now don’t get me wrong here.
I believe in God and Jesus and I do not, will not and can not condone premarital or extra marital sex (or any other form of sexual immorality). BUT there is a need here to know what you are getting into, and the best way to know is to talk about it.
Do you wonder what it would be like to experience sex in the shower? Ask your future “maybe lover” how s/he feels about it.
Think that you might want to try oral sex? Make sure that will be ok with him/her.
What about any number of other possibilities, Special fantasies, dreams or wishes. Maybe you want to “experiment” with some weird or kinky stuff? Clear those decks before you get tied up with someone. (I do not mean literally… unless that really is your thing.)
As a society we need to realize that sex is out there, and it is one area where you can really get screwed up. I have seen it. I know of a lady who went through several relationships never really feeling satisfied with her love life. In part because she was not careful with her sexual feelings. She never got to the point to realize what she wanted and to tell her future mate/s. All that led to infidelity (in one relationship at least, the blame was on both sides). It cost her more than one marriage, and it harmed her child too.
Speaking as a man I can tell you that we are inundated with sex, worse for many of us is that it comes from all sides.
Now some people will make the mistake of thinking that I mean outside pressures only, but no I mean ALL sides inside as well as out.
We have hormones raging inside us wanting to experience a feeling of release and that comes from… SEX.
That is the inside pressure, we also see it all over. Not just in pornography either. There is literally NO way to escape from the whole sex thing.
It is in the movies we see, it is in the books we read, it is taught at school, our peers talk it about, it is on TV
It is EVERYWHERE.
We cannot escape it and sometimes we even seek it because, heaven help us, it is so addictive and it makes us feel so good!
The release of sexual pressure brings all kinds of other release with it. Stress reduction, emotional and physical. It releases endorphins that make us feel good, even giddy. And frankly like a junkie we can crave that feeling.
But because of all the conversations we have in school, at work, while playing a friendly game… wherever. And because of all the pressure society throws at us we have ideas of what we want to try. We need to make sure that our prospective wives or husbands also are open to trying those things too.
Now as a father of girls I want to briefly talk to you ladies.
If your guy/man reads this and comes to you saying, “Hey baby I wanna try oral sex!” or something else like that, first of all do not blame me for the corny approach, that was all him.
Second of all, if that is not your thing, feel free to say, “I am not interested in trying that.” He may find this to be a “downer”, especially if he DID start out with that corny line. But first you need to respect yourself and you also need to respect him.
Third of all even if you are interested in what he is proposing WAIT until you are married. You can say something like… “ Hey that sounds like something I would like to try but it will need to wait till I am married to you.”
While you are at it this is an EXCELLENT time to talk about what you want and what he wants to try sexually.
By the way, if I might digress here, do NOT use this as a point to pressure him into marrying you. Be honest with him and with yourself. Trapping someone in a marriage because you think that’s what you want is not the answer… you have got to know!
Guys… HINT, HINT!!! Read what I just wrote to the girls. Do not pressure your potential wife to do something she isn’t interested in, and really do not try to make her do it right now. Wait for it, respect her, and respect yourself.
Save it for the honeymoon. But you do need to have this conversation at some time. Maybe it could start out with a little, “hey I am curious, what would you think of the idea of oral sex?” keep it light at first, believe me it will get heavy enough as you go on.
Do this in a way that is innocent and by the way, if you start to feel your control slipping STOP the conversation. You do NOT want this to turn into a loss of control which you will later regret.
Instead you can change the subject, after all there is more to life than sex. And there are other things that can trip you up in life. Talk about money, is she a spender? Is he? Do you like Chinese food? Does he hate it? Do you like Mexican food? Does she fear to eat Mexican because it might “make her gassy”?
These are things that it is good to know. After all if you like the Hawaiian style pizza and she prefers pepperoni ONE of you is going to be unhappy, and that can be almost as bad as the sex thing.
Parents, I want to approach another angle to this, one that I have, so far, neglected. You may be thinking, “boy I didn’t know this could be such a problem. I will take away my son’s/daughter’s t.v. watching privileges.”
The thing is if it isn’t the TV, then it is the movies.
You take away the movies and it is the computer.
You take away the computer and it is the books s/he is getting at the library.
You take away the books and it is their peers in little league, boy scouts or girl scouts.
You take away the extra curricular activities and it is the friends and classmates at school.
You put them in a Christian or magnet school? That changes nothing.
You homeschool them and it is the social networking you have to develop to socialize them.
It is in their youth groups at church. It is SOMEWHERE in their lives.
Like I said these pressures are literally everywhere. S/He has questions and you need to have the answers.
OR you need to make sure you surround them with people who have good answers. The proper answers.
Sexual immorality is very damaging. And I believe that a lot of people fall into that trap because they have not really thought it all the way through. They have not come to terms with what they like or who they are and instead they live a life that is forced on them by society.
I once read about people who are “asexual”. They have no desire to have any kind of sex at all. A lot of “regular” people interviewed for the article simply could NOT fathom the idea. They had no concept. Some of those “regulars” asserted that it just “couldn’t be true” and that the “asexuals” were “denying their real emotions.”
After reading the article myself I had absolutely no doubt that these people were exactly as they claimed. (Odd as it might seem to me…) but if those “regulars” had, had their way those people would have been forced into something they were not made for.
If they did not have a strong sense of self they might have been led into a lifestyle that would have made them miserable and left them trying one thing after another to try to make up for their supposed inadequacies.
In our society today we have a large amount of people who do not know who they are, emotionally, physically or spiritually. And we do them a disservice in not allowing them to find out for themselves instead forcing them into molds we (meaning society) make for them.
Again, for the record, I am not condoning any aberrations.
It is possible, I think, that some people are led to sexual deviance simply because society tells them “hey you don’t like that? Then you must be one of them.” (Substitute what you will for “that” and “them”)
Anyway those are my “profound” (shnork) thoughts on the subject of preparing for marriage. I hope that when you do get married you have a full and happy life, with the husband/wife who makes your life whole as I have done myself.
I was thinking recently… hmm how many times have I used that phrase? Maybe I ought to make it my catch phrase… ANYWAY… recently it came to mind that a lot of people out there might not be as prepared to get married as they think they are.
What I would advise you all to do, those of you who are looking for a significant other i.e.: spouse, is that you make sure that you are compatible.
That is to say, make sure that you and your intended are on the same wavelength regarding certain aspects of your lives.
For example, I love my wife and I am very happy to be married to her. I should have considered how she felt about martial arts before we got married though. Frankly she really isn’t interested in them and she will not consider even trying them to see if they would suit her. On the other hand I am not much of a thrill junky when it comes to roller coasters, and she loves them greatly.
These are situations with which we each have had to deal; and deal with them we have. But could we have saved some grief if we had considered that ahead of time?
Some potential situations we did address, I remember being confused when she asked me how I liked to do things regarding brushing my teeth. Specifically she wanted to know do I squeeze the tube from the bottom up or do I squeeze it in the middle. Apparently this was important for her to know, she did not want to risk being married to a heathen middle tube squeezer. After all they are so crude don’t you know.
Just Kidding.
But the point was she was trying to look for possible conflicts in order to head them off. And that was very wise of her.
I think we all ought to do that. But I also think we need a list of things that are important to us things that we can go to a prospective mate and say, “how do you feel about this?”
Please do not limit yourself either! Don’t decide that there is something that you feel is too embarrassing to share with your future mate. After all you are planning to spend the rest of your life with him/her and believe me eventually the subject will come up.
Do you like to wear men’s underwear for pajamas? Ask him if he is ok with you borrowing from his dresser. Chances are he will actually be turned on at the site of you in his boxers. But you need to know now not later.
Do you really hope she will wear silk teddies to bed every night? Ask if she is up for it. It may be that she prefers flannel because well darn it, it just gets WAY to cold at night.
Maybe you like to brush your teeth while hanging upside down in the doorway. You better get that info out there before your wedding night when she freaks out because, to her eyes, your doing a vampire impression before bed.
And that does need to go all the way to the bedroom (or not if that is your quirk). Now don’t get me wrong here.
I believe in God and Jesus and I do not, will not and can not condone premarital or extra marital sex (or any other form of sexual immorality). BUT there is a need here to know what you are getting into, and the best way to know is to talk about it.
Do you wonder what it would be like to experience sex in the shower? Ask your future “maybe lover” how s/he feels about it.
Think that you might want to try oral sex? Make sure that will be ok with him/her.
What about any number of other possibilities, Special fantasies, dreams or wishes. Maybe you want to “experiment” with some weird or kinky stuff? Clear those decks before you get tied up with someone. (I do not mean literally… unless that really is your thing.)
As a society we need to realize that sex is out there, and it is one area where you can really get screwed up. I have seen it. I know of a lady who went through several relationships never really feeling satisfied with her love life. In part because she was not careful with her sexual feelings. She never got to the point to realize what she wanted and to tell her future mate/s. All that led to infidelity (in one relationship at least, the blame was on both sides). It cost her more than one marriage, and it harmed her child too.
Speaking as a man I can tell you that we are inundated with sex, worse for many of us is that it comes from all sides.
Now some people will make the mistake of thinking that I mean outside pressures only, but no I mean ALL sides inside as well as out.
We have hormones raging inside us wanting to experience a feeling of release and that comes from… SEX.
That is the inside pressure, we also see it all over. Not just in pornography either. There is literally NO way to escape from the whole sex thing.
It is in the movies we see, it is in the books we read, it is taught at school, our peers talk it about, it is on TV
It is EVERYWHERE.
We cannot escape it and sometimes we even seek it because, heaven help us, it is so addictive and it makes us feel so good!
The release of sexual pressure brings all kinds of other release with it. Stress reduction, emotional and physical. It releases endorphins that make us feel good, even giddy. And frankly like a junkie we can crave that feeling.
But because of all the conversations we have in school, at work, while playing a friendly game… wherever. And because of all the pressure society throws at us we have ideas of what we want to try. We need to make sure that our prospective wives or husbands also are open to trying those things too.
Now as a father of girls I want to briefly talk to you ladies.
If your guy/man reads this and comes to you saying, “Hey baby I wanna try oral sex!” or something else like that, first of all do not blame me for the corny approach, that was all him.
Second of all, if that is not your thing, feel free to say, “I am not interested in trying that.” He may find this to be a “downer”, especially if he DID start out with that corny line. But first you need to respect yourself and you also need to respect him.
Third of all even if you are interested in what he is proposing WAIT until you are married. You can say something like… “ Hey that sounds like something I would like to try but it will need to wait till I am married to you.”
While you are at it this is an EXCELLENT time to talk about what you want and what he wants to try sexually.
By the way, if I might digress here, do NOT use this as a point to pressure him into marrying you. Be honest with him and with yourself. Trapping someone in a marriage because you think that’s what you want is not the answer… you have got to know!
Guys… HINT, HINT!!! Read what I just wrote to the girls. Do not pressure your potential wife to do something she isn’t interested in, and really do not try to make her do it right now. Wait for it, respect her, and respect yourself.
Save it for the honeymoon. But you do need to have this conversation at some time. Maybe it could start out with a little, “hey I am curious, what would you think of the idea of oral sex?” keep it light at first, believe me it will get heavy enough as you go on.
Do this in a way that is innocent and by the way, if you start to feel your control slipping STOP the conversation. You do NOT want this to turn into a loss of control which you will later regret.
Instead you can change the subject, after all there is more to life than sex. And there are other things that can trip you up in life. Talk about money, is she a spender? Is he? Do you like Chinese food? Does he hate it? Do you like Mexican food? Does she fear to eat Mexican because it might “make her gassy”?
These are things that it is good to know. After all if you like the Hawaiian style pizza and she prefers pepperoni ONE of you is going to be unhappy, and that can be almost as bad as the sex thing.
Parents, I want to approach another angle to this, one that I have, so far, neglected. You may be thinking, “boy I didn’t know this could be such a problem. I will take away my son’s/daughter’s t.v. watching privileges.”
The thing is if it isn’t the TV, then it is the movies.
You take away the movies and it is the computer.
You take away the computer and it is the books s/he is getting at the library.
You take away the books and it is their peers in little league, boy scouts or girl scouts.
You take away the extra curricular activities and it is the friends and classmates at school.
You put them in a Christian or magnet school? That changes nothing.
You homeschool them and it is the social networking you have to develop to socialize them.
It is in their youth groups at church. It is SOMEWHERE in their lives.
Like I said these pressures are literally everywhere. S/He has questions and you need to have the answers.
OR you need to make sure you surround them with people who have good answers. The proper answers.
Sexual immorality is very damaging. And I believe that a lot of people fall into that trap because they have not really thought it all the way through. They have not come to terms with what they like or who they are and instead they live a life that is forced on them by society.
I once read about people who are “asexual”. They have no desire to have any kind of sex at all. A lot of “regular” people interviewed for the article simply could NOT fathom the idea. They had no concept. Some of those “regulars” asserted that it just “couldn’t be true” and that the “asexuals” were “denying their real emotions.”
After reading the article myself I had absolutely no doubt that these people were exactly as they claimed. (Odd as it might seem to me…) but if those “regulars” had, had their way those people would have been forced into something they were not made for.
If they did not have a strong sense of self they might have been led into a lifestyle that would have made them miserable and left them trying one thing after another to try to make up for their supposed inadequacies.
In our society today we have a large amount of people who do not know who they are, emotionally, physically or spiritually. And we do them a disservice in not allowing them to find out for themselves instead forcing them into molds we (meaning society) make for them.
Again, for the record, I am not condoning any aberrations.
It is possible, I think, that some people are led to sexual deviance simply because society tells them “hey you don’t like that? Then you must be one of them.” (Substitute what you will for “that” and “them”)
Anyway those are my “profound” (shnork) thoughts on the subject of preparing for marriage. I hope that when you do get married you have a full and happy life, with the husband/wife who makes your life whole as I have done myself.
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