Recently a couple of issues came up… well really it was one issue that presented itself to me in two different ways.
The first issue was about the men who went to Vietnam who were treated poorly and the men today who make claim to awards they did not really receive.
The first cue was actually from my mom. She commented about how the numbers do not add up. 2,700,000 + men served In country in Vietnam, 1,700,000 of those men came home. Yet over 9 million people CLAIM that they received legitimate awards for combat in Vietnam.
The second cue was an episode of the TV show “JAG”. In this show a character who is running for senate claims to not only have been a Navy Seal but to have won awards, in Vietnam, that he did not.
The character claimed that he wanted to run on a platform of “Integrity in government and Values in the home.” But obviously there can not be any integrity or values when you are lying about who, or what, you are.
Now fictional shows aside, the truth is that there are a lot of people out there who will present themselves as something other than what they were/are. They also run in all walks of life.
I remember my mom once telling me, as an assistant scoutmaster in charge of advancement in the troop where I served, that I ought to make sure… that I owed it to myself AND to those kids to make sure that they really deserved the awards or promotions they were up for.
She told me that I should not make it easier for them. This is something that they need to earn. The only way it means something is if it is something truly earned.
So now thinking back on those guys who served in “’Nam” they worked hard, they were there and some of them went through a very real version of Hell.
When they came home they were treated badly, many of them committed suicide because the stress of returning home to a country that, at best, didn’t care or worse went out of its way to belittle them, to treat them like criminals.
So now, as a new generation is coming up, as we see the results of wars like Desert storm, Desert Shield, Operation Iraqi Freedom and so on. We tend to be supportive of our troops and suddenly it is O.K. even Noble to have served or to currently serve.
And now that it is o.k. we also seem to see a lot of scum, yes I said it and I mean it, S-C-U-M!! who want to trample those men for personal gain. Some of them are politicians, some of them are just “regular joes” but everyone that lies about this casts shadows on the Real sacrifice those men made.
So back to that show I think they said it well…
A S.E.A.L. confronted that candidate, and he knocked out his lights. Later in the courtroom, while being tried for assault, the S.E.A.L. Said…
“I’m a Navy SEAL. A direct descendant of the scout and raider units that invaded North Africa in 1942,
A child of the underwater demolition teams that stormed the beaches of Normandy, I humbly follow those who cleared the way for landings on Pacific islands whose names are synonymous with words like courage, honor, country and death.
My predecessors spilled their blood in the snow of Korea, and the rice paddies of Vietnam. No Navy S.E.AL. has ever surrendered or left behind a dead or wounded comrade.
That is bravery and selflessness. That represents an ideal, as embodied by this uniform and insignia.
To me this uniform is not just made of cloth. And the insignia is not just made of metal. No they represent the flesh and blood of all those who came before.”
And Admiral Chegwidden said, “I killed men under the rules of war, that’s something I gotta live with every day. It’s made me appreciate the value of human life and the rules that guide it.”
Again fictional plots aside, I agree with the sentiments that they expressed. I have served, and I have seen friends go to war.
I have NOT gone to war and I will not claim to have done so. But that sense of pride in the uniform, the history and valor that has been performed in uniforms just like that give meaning to the uniforms worn today. And for anyone to disparage the deeds done by others just so they can look good… well that is just plain wrong.
I think we all need to honor the men AND women who have served and who have earned the awards that go on their uniforms. If the awards were truly earned they mean A LOT. We ought to leave those awards for those who have paid the penalties and debts that go with having them on their chest/s. Because those penalties/ debts are great.
Some of us may never know what it takes to watch your buddy who you slept next to ate with and laughed with taking a bullet next to you. Some of us might.
They have kept us safe, they have served us in ways that we may never know. They have done that which many of us are not willing to do. And still we have people here today who will spurn them who will spit on them. And the others steal from them. We need to stop this practice.
Oh and while you are at it, go out and find one of those who DID serve. We all know someone! And give them a hug.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
the thing about vouchers
I recently read a post, by a public school teacher, in Facebook about how school vouchers are evil. And I had to wonder. I used to work for a public school system myself and I have to say that as a father AND as a former public school employee I would rather have the opportunity to send my children to a school where they would receive the best education possible.
In fact I probably would be against putting my kids in a public school system in many places; and judging by the broo ha ha coming out of Ohio at this time I think that state would be one of those where I would rather seek alternate education for my kids.
Let me explain a little better… You see my daughters are important to me. And as a parent I feel I have an obligation to get them the best opportunities I can. That means that I want to send them to a school where they will get the best education possible.
More than that I want to send them to a school where they will get the education that emphasizes the teaching I want them to receive!
If I want them to have more emphasis on art then that is where they will go, if I want them to have more emphasis on science where I would rather have them go is a school with that emphasis.
If I want them to have more access to physical teaching like sports or more socialization opportunities then that is the choice I will make.
But there are people in Ohio, most notably in the public schools, who seem to be adamant in stating that it is “unfair” for people to have that opportunity. And I have to wonder, why?
I want the best for my kids, and when I worked for a public school system that is how I worked. The kid/s always came first. The school system is supposed to be there for the KIDS not for the teachers, not for the administrators not for the janitors and not for the bus drivers. The whole focus of ANY school system needs to be on how to do the best for the KIDS and, I am sorry, but as I see it a voucher system, properly administered, does EXACTLY that.
A voucher system would first allow parents to go out and find the absolute BEST education for their child/ren, based on the standards that the parent has. (And let’s face it, the parent is usually going to have more interest in seeking the best for their little darling then some stranger sitting in an office a hundred miles away.)
Second of all it would cause schools, public AND private, to start becoming more competitive with each other which in turn means ALL students will benefit. After all the schools will seek to improve the way they teach in order to draw more parents, and their kids, to those schools.
But I still see these teachers and other school officials fighting the idea. And, at the risk of being redundant, I have to wonder why?
I guess we need to address how I see the voucher system. As I understand it, a voucher system is where the government takes the tax dollars and, instead of giving it directly to the schools, instead assigns the monies, in the form of vouchers, to the parents of the student. The parents then get the option of using those vouchers to take their children to the school of their choice.
So with that understanding, I have to believe that the more these people fight the idea of a voucher system the more they are trying to hold onto a status quo that is apparently failing.
If you, as a teacher, are arguing against a voucher system because it will take money away from your school, I have little sympathy.
No offense intended but frankly I do not care about your school, neither do I really care about your job. What I am concerned about is MY CHILD’S FUTURE and honestly I want my child to go to a school where they are not going to whine about their jobs but rather they will fight for the right/s of the children.
In fact if you are arguing that you will lose your job because you or your school cannot compete in an equal environment with another school then, even more, I will want to pull my child out of your school because you are basically admitting you are incompetent and useless.
Why can you NOT compete on an equal playing field with equal funds with another school? Why are they providing a better service than you? You receive the same amount of money per child you have access to the same opportunities… the only excuse for you not being able to compete is simply because you are incompetent, incapable or simply substandard.
If that is true then I really do not want my child being taught by you. I want the best. Arguing you will lose students because you cannot perform as well is simply telling me that you are not the best and the voucher system needs to be employed faster and ought to have been the way we always have done it to begin with.
In fact I probably would be against putting my kids in a public school system in many places; and judging by the broo ha ha coming out of Ohio at this time I think that state would be one of those where I would rather seek alternate education for my kids.
Let me explain a little better… You see my daughters are important to me. And as a parent I feel I have an obligation to get them the best opportunities I can. That means that I want to send them to a school where they will get the best education possible.
More than that I want to send them to a school where they will get the education that emphasizes the teaching I want them to receive!
If I want them to have more emphasis on art then that is where they will go, if I want them to have more emphasis on science where I would rather have them go is a school with that emphasis.
If I want them to have more access to physical teaching like sports or more socialization opportunities then that is the choice I will make.
But there are people in Ohio, most notably in the public schools, who seem to be adamant in stating that it is “unfair” for people to have that opportunity. And I have to wonder, why?
I want the best for my kids, and when I worked for a public school system that is how I worked. The kid/s always came first. The school system is supposed to be there for the KIDS not for the teachers, not for the administrators not for the janitors and not for the bus drivers. The whole focus of ANY school system needs to be on how to do the best for the KIDS and, I am sorry, but as I see it a voucher system, properly administered, does EXACTLY that.
A voucher system would first allow parents to go out and find the absolute BEST education for their child/ren, based on the standards that the parent has. (And let’s face it, the parent is usually going to have more interest in seeking the best for their little darling then some stranger sitting in an office a hundred miles away.)
Second of all it would cause schools, public AND private, to start becoming more competitive with each other which in turn means ALL students will benefit. After all the schools will seek to improve the way they teach in order to draw more parents, and their kids, to those schools.
But I still see these teachers and other school officials fighting the idea. And, at the risk of being redundant, I have to wonder why?
I guess we need to address how I see the voucher system. As I understand it, a voucher system is where the government takes the tax dollars and, instead of giving it directly to the schools, instead assigns the monies, in the form of vouchers, to the parents of the student. The parents then get the option of using those vouchers to take their children to the school of their choice.
So with that understanding, I have to believe that the more these people fight the idea of a voucher system the more they are trying to hold onto a status quo that is apparently failing.
If you, as a teacher, are arguing against a voucher system because it will take money away from your school, I have little sympathy.
No offense intended but frankly I do not care about your school, neither do I really care about your job. What I am concerned about is MY CHILD’S FUTURE and honestly I want my child to go to a school where they are not going to whine about their jobs but rather they will fight for the right/s of the children.
In fact if you are arguing that you will lose your job because you or your school cannot compete in an equal environment with another school then, even more, I will want to pull my child out of your school because you are basically admitting you are incompetent and useless.
Why can you NOT compete on an equal playing field with equal funds with another school? Why are they providing a better service than you? You receive the same amount of money per child you have access to the same opportunities… the only excuse for you not being able to compete is simply because you are incompetent, incapable or simply substandard.
If that is true then I really do not want my child being taught by you. I want the best. Arguing you will lose students because you cannot perform as well is simply telling me that you are not the best and the voucher system needs to be employed faster and ought to have been the way we always have done it to begin with.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It IS hard to say goodbye
So last night I was listening to some music at work and the song “hello - goodbye” started playing and I realized two things.
(1) This song has more meaning to me now than it did when I first heard it.
(2) It is the anniversary of Corine’s passing.
Let me explain the first point. The lyrics in the song go like this…
Where’s the navigator of your destiny,
Where is the dealer of this hand
Who can explain life and it’s brevity
Cause there is nothing here that I can understand
You and I have barely met
and I just don’t want to let go of you yet.
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
And so I hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face
Heaven calls for you Before it calls for me
When you get there save me a place
A place where I
(a place where you and I)
Can share your smile
(I can share your smile)
And I can hold you for more than just a while
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
OHHHHOHHHHOHHHOHH
I’ll see you on, I’ll see you on,
I’ll see you on I’ll see you on the other side
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
Repeat
Now I remember hearing this song a long time ago. And I remember reading the story behind it.
Apparently some friends of Michael W Smith’s Had a baby they named Noah. He was born early or with a defect (can’t quite remember which) and died shortly after he was born.
The story made me cry back then! How much more now that I have had a similar experience right?
The thing is last night was not the first time I heard that song since Christina’s miscarriage. But with the nearness of the anniversary it really hit me.
Especially since this seems to be my usual pattern.
It took me about three years after my dad passed away for it to really hit me. Same with my grandma’s death and other tragedies like 9-11.
So last night, I guess my point is, I had a good cry, I substituted Corine’s name for Noah and the whole thing hit me good and hard.
Although it might be a good idea for me to find out how to address my grief sooner. ANYWAY
Until next time.
(1) This song has more meaning to me now than it did when I first heard it.
(2) It is the anniversary of Corine’s passing.
Let me explain the first point. The lyrics in the song go like this…
Where’s the navigator of your destiny,
Where is the dealer of this hand
Who can explain life and it’s brevity
Cause there is nothing here that I can understand
You and I have barely met
and I just don’t want to let go of you yet.
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
And so I hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face
Heaven calls for you Before it calls for me
When you get there save me a place
A place where I
(a place where you and I)
Can share your smile
(I can share your smile)
And I can hold you for more than just a while
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
OHHHHOHHHHOHHHOHH
I’ll see you on, I’ll see you on,
I’ll see you on I’ll see you on the other side
Noah hello goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Noah sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.
Repeat
Now I remember hearing this song a long time ago. And I remember reading the story behind it.
Apparently some friends of Michael W Smith’s Had a baby they named Noah. He was born early or with a defect (can’t quite remember which) and died shortly after he was born.
The story made me cry back then! How much more now that I have had a similar experience right?
The thing is last night was not the first time I heard that song since Christina’s miscarriage. But with the nearness of the anniversary it really hit me.
Especially since this seems to be my usual pattern.
It took me about three years after my dad passed away for it to really hit me. Same with my grandma’s death and other tragedies like 9-11.
So last night, I guess my point is, I had a good cry, I substituted Corine’s name for Noah and the whole thing hit me good and hard.
Although it might be a good idea for me to find out how to address my grief sooner. ANYWAY
Until next time.
Friday, June 24, 2011
SciFi Culture?
I have to be honest most of the material I think of for blogging here is brought up by things I hear on the radio while at work.
SO with that in mind…
I was listening to a certain program lately, the guest on the show was talking about food companies using “human embryos” to create “genetically modified” foods and spices.
Once I got past the “eww factor” I immediately thought of the movie Soylent Green (“The green crackers are PEOPLE!”) and then right on the heels of that I thought of “how to serve mankind” (“It’s a cookbook, It’s a cookbook!”).
That triggered an interesting thought process. It occurred to me that it seems that science fiction has had more of an impact on the culture of our society than any other literary or movie source out there.
There are very few people I can think of who don’t get it when you say “beam me up” (Star trek) or “Luke, I am your father.” (Star wars).
Try using references from Mark Twain or Charles dickens and most people will probably look at you cross-eyed. Even Shakespeare doesn’t get the play that Captain Kirk does.
I thought that was an interesting point and wanted to share it with you. But more than that this Blog is one I want to use to prompt discussion.
What do you think?
What phrases or quotes do you prefer?
Please let me know.
SO with that in mind…
I was listening to a certain program lately, the guest on the show was talking about food companies using “human embryos” to create “genetically modified” foods and spices.
Once I got past the “eww factor” I immediately thought of the movie Soylent Green (“The green crackers are PEOPLE!”) and then right on the heels of that I thought of “how to serve mankind” (“It’s a cookbook, It’s a cookbook!”).
That triggered an interesting thought process. It occurred to me that it seems that science fiction has had more of an impact on the culture of our society than any other literary or movie source out there.
There are very few people I can think of who don’t get it when you say “beam me up” (Star trek) or “Luke, I am your father.” (Star wars).
Try using references from Mark Twain or Charles dickens and most people will probably look at you cross-eyed. Even Shakespeare doesn’t get the play that Captain Kirk does.
I thought that was an interesting point and wanted to share it with you. But more than that this Blog is one I want to use to prompt discussion.
What do you think?
What phrases or quotes do you prefer?
Please let me know.
Lists for marriage
I would like to preface this article with the statement that this is meant for people who are ready to seek out their future spouse. While I believe there is nothing here that I would not be willing to discuss with my daughters the subject might be a little heavy for some parents. Please proceed with caution.
I was thinking recently… hmm how many times have I used that phrase? Maybe I ought to make it my catch phrase… ANYWAY… recently it came to mind that a lot of people out there might not be as prepared to get married as they think they are.
What I would advise you all to do, those of you who are looking for a significant other i.e.: spouse, is that you make sure that you are compatible.
That is to say, make sure that you and your intended are on the same wavelength regarding certain aspects of your lives.
For example, I love my wife and I am very happy to be married to her. I should have considered how she felt about martial arts before we got married though. Frankly she really isn’t interested in them and she will not consider even trying them to see if they would suit her. On the other hand I am not much of a thrill junky when it comes to roller coasters, and she loves them greatly.
These are situations with which we each have had to deal; and deal with them we have. But could we have saved some grief if we had considered that ahead of time?
Some potential situations we did address, I remember being confused when she asked me how I liked to do things regarding brushing my teeth. Specifically she wanted to know do I squeeze the tube from the bottom up or do I squeeze it in the middle. Apparently this was important for her to know, she did not want to risk being married to a heathen middle tube squeezer. After all they are so crude don’t you know.
Just Kidding.
But the point was she was trying to look for possible conflicts in order to head them off. And that was very wise of her.
I think we all ought to do that. But I also think we need a list of things that are important to us things that we can go to a prospective mate and say, “how do you feel about this?”
Please do not limit yourself either! Don’t decide that there is something that you feel is too embarrassing to share with your future mate. After all you are planning to spend the rest of your life with him/her and believe me eventually the subject will come up.
Do you like to wear men’s underwear for pajamas? Ask him if he is ok with you borrowing from his dresser. Chances are he will actually be turned on at the site of you in his boxers. But you need to know now not later.
Do you really hope she will wear silk teddies to bed every night? Ask if she is up for it. It may be that she prefers flannel because well darn it, it just gets WAY to cold at night.
Maybe you like to brush your teeth while hanging upside down in the doorway. You better get that info out there before your wedding night when she freaks out because, to her eyes, your doing a vampire impression before bed.
And that does need to go all the way to the bedroom (or not if that is your quirk). Now don’t get me wrong here.
I believe in God and Jesus and I do not, will not and can not condone premarital or extra marital sex (or any other form of sexual immorality). BUT there is a need here to know what you are getting into, and the best way to know is to talk about it.
Do you wonder what it would be like to experience sex in the shower? Ask your future “maybe lover” how s/he feels about it.
Think that you might want to try oral sex? Make sure that will be ok with him/her.
What about any number of other possibilities, Special fantasies, dreams or wishes. Maybe you want to “experiment” with some weird or kinky stuff? Clear those decks before you get tied up with someone. (I do not mean literally… unless that really is your thing.)
As a society we need to realize that sex is out there, and it is one area where you can really get screwed up. I have seen it. I know of a lady who went through several relationships never really feeling satisfied with her love life. In part because she was not careful with her sexual feelings. She never got to the point to realize what she wanted and to tell her future mate/s. All that led to infidelity (in one relationship at least, the blame was on both sides). It cost her more than one marriage, and it harmed her child too.
Speaking as a man I can tell you that we are inundated with sex, worse for many of us is that it comes from all sides.
Now some people will make the mistake of thinking that I mean outside pressures only, but no I mean ALL sides inside as well as out.
We have hormones raging inside us wanting to experience a feeling of release and that comes from… SEX.
That is the inside pressure, we also see it all over. Not just in pornography either. There is literally NO way to escape from the whole sex thing.
It is in the movies we see, it is in the books we read, it is taught at school, our peers talk it about, it is on TV
It is EVERYWHERE.
We cannot escape it and sometimes we even seek it because, heaven help us, it is so addictive and it makes us feel so good!
The release of sexual pressure brings all kinds of other release with it. Stress reduction, emotional and physical. It releases endorphins that make us feel good, even giddy. And frankly like a junkie we can crave that feeling.
But because of all the conversations we have in school, at work, while playing a friendly game… wherever. And because of all the pressure society throws at us we have ideas of what we want to try. We need to make sure that our prospective wives or husbands also are open to trying those things too.
Now as a father of girls I want to briefly talk to you ladies.
If your guy/man reads this and comes to you saying, “Hey baby I wanna try oral sex!” or something else like that, first of all do not blame me for the corny approach, that was all him.
Second of all, if that is not your thing, feel free to say, “I am not interested in trying that.” He may find this to be a “downer”, especially if he DID start out with that corny line. But first you need to respect yourself and you also need to respect him.
Third of all even if you are interested in what he is proposing WAIT until you are married. You can say something like… “ Hey that sounds like something I would like to try but it will need to wait till I am married to you.”
While you are at it this is an EXCELLENT time to talk about what you want and what he wants to try sexually.
By the way, if I might digress here, do NOT use this as a point to pressure him into marrying you. Be honest with him and with yourself. Trapping someone in a marriage because you think that’s what you want is not the answer… you have got to know!
Guys… HINT, HINT!!! Read what I just wrote to the girls. Do not pressure your potential wife to do something she isn’t interested in, and really do not try to make her do it right now. Wait for it, respect her, and respect yourself.
Save it for the honeymoon. But you do need to have this conversation at some time. Maybe it could start out with a little, “hey I am curious, what would you think of the idea of oral sex?” keep it light at first, believe me it will get heavy enough as you go on.
Do this in a way that is innocent and by the way, if you start to feel your control slipping STOP the conversation. You do NOT want this to turn into a loss of control which you will later regret.
Instead you can change the subject, after all there is more to life than sex. And there are other things that can trip you up in life. Talk about money, is she a spender? Is he? Do you like Chinese food? Does he hate it? Do you like Mexican food? Does she fear to eat Mexican because it might “make her gassy”?
These are things that it is good to know. After all if you like the Hawaiian style pizza and she prefers pepperoni ONE of you is going to be unhappy, and that can be almost as bad as the sex thing.
Parents, I want to approach another angle to this, one that I have, so far, neglected. You may be thinking, “boy I didn’t know this could be such a problem. I will take away my son’s/daughter’s t.v. watching privileges.”
The thing is if it isn’t the TV, then it is the movies.
You take away the movies and it is the computer.
You take away the computer and it is the books s/he is getting at the library.
You take away the books and it is their peers in little league, boy scouts or girl scouts.
You take away the extra curricular activities and it is the friends and classmates at school.
You put them in a Christian or magnet school? That changes nothing.
You homeschool them and it is the social networking you have to develop to socialize them.
It is in their youth groups at church. It is SOMEWHERE in their lives.
Like I said these pressures are literally everywhere. S/He has questions and you need to have the answers.
OR you need to make sure you surround them with people who have good answers. The proper answers.
Sexual immorality is very damaging. And I believe that a lot of people fall into that trap because they have not really thought it all the way through. They have not come to terms with what they like or who they are and instead they live a life that is forced on them by society.
I once read about people who are “asexual”. They have no desire to have any kind of sex at all. A lot of “regular” people interviewed for the article simply could NOT fathom the idea. They had no concept. Some of those “regulars” asserted that it just “couldn’t be true” and that the “asexuals” were “denying their real emotions.”
After reading the article myself I had absolutely no doubt that these people were exactly as they claimed. (Odd as it might seem to me…) but if those “regulars” had, had their way those people would have been forced into something they were not made for.
If they did not have a strong sense of self they might have been led into a lifestyle that would have made them miserable and left them trying one thing after another to try to make up for their supposed inadequacies.
In our society today we have a large amount of people who do not know who they are, emotionally, physically or spiritually. And we do them a disservice in not allowing them to find out for themselves instead forcing them into molds we (meaning society) make for them.
Again, for the record, I am not condoning any aberrations.
It is possible, I think, that some people are led to sexual deviance simply because society tells them “hey you don’t like that? Then you must be one of them.” (Substitute what you will for “that” and “them”)
Anyway those are my “profound” (shnork) thoughts on the subject of preparing for marriage. I hope that when you do get married you have a full and happy life, with the husband/wife who makes your life whole as I have done myself.
I was thinking recently… hmm how many times have I used that phrase? Maybe I ought to make it my catch phrase… ANYWAY… recently it came to mind that a lot of people out there might not be as prepared to get married as they think they are.
What I would advise you all to do, those of you who are looking for a significant other i.e.: spouse, is that you make sure that you are compatible.
That is to say, make sure that you and your intended are on the same wavelength regarding certain aspects of your lives.
For example, I love my wife and I am very happy to be married to her. I should have considered how she felt about martial arts before we got married though. Frankly she really isn’t interested in them and she will not consider even trying them to see if they would suit her. On the other hand I am not much of a thrill junky when it comes to roller coasters, and she loves them greatly.
These are situations with which we each have had to deal; and deal with them we have. But could we have saved some grief if we had considered that ahead of time?
Some potential situations we did address, I remember being confused when she asked me how I liked to do things regarding brushing my teeth. Specifically she wanted to know do I squeeze the tube from the bottom up or do I squeeze it in the middle. Apparently this was important for her to know, she did not want to risk being married to a heathen middle tube squeezer. After all they are so crude don’t you know.
Just Kidding.
But the point was she was trying to look for possible conflicts in order to head them off. And that was very wise of her.
I think we all ought to do that. But I also think we need a list of things that are important to us things that we can go to a prospective mate and say, “how do you feel about this?”
Please do not limit yourself either! Don’t decide that there is something that you feel is too embarrassing to share with your future mate. After all you are planning to spend the rest of your life with him/her and believe me eventually the subject will come up.
Do you like to wear men’s underwear for pajamas? Ask him if he is ok with you borrowing from his dresser. Chances are he will actually be turned on at the site of you in his boxers. But you need to know now not later.
Do you really hope she will wear silk teddies to bed every night? Ask if she is up for it. It may be that she prefers flannel because well darn it, it just gets WAY to cold at night.
Maybe you like to brush your teeth while hanging upside down in the doorway. You better get that info out there before your wedding night when she freaks out because, to her eyes, your doing a vampire impression before bed.
And that does need to go all the way to the bedroom (or not if that is your quirk). Now don’t get me wrong here.
I believe in God and Jesus and I do not, will not and can not condone premarital or extra marital sex (or any other form of sexual immorality). BUT there is a need here to know what you are getting into, and the best way to know is to talk about it.
Do you wonder what it would be like to experience sex in the shower? Ask your future “maybe lover” how s/he feels about it.
Think that you might want to try oral sex? Make sure that will be ok with him/her.
What about any number of other possibilities, Special fantasies, dreams or wishes. Maybe you want to “experiment” with some weird or kinky stuff? Clear those decks before you get tied up with someone. (I do not mean literally… unless that really is your thing.)
As a society we need to realize that sex is out there, and it is one area where you can really get screwed up. I have seen it. I know of a lady who went through several relationships never really feeling satisfied with her love life. In part because she was not careful with her sexual feelings. She never got to the point to realize what she wanted and to tell her future mate/s. All that led to infidelity (in one relationship at least, the blame was on both sides). It cost her more than one marriage, and it harmed her child too.
Speaking as a man I can tell you that we are inundated with sex, worse for many of us is that it comes from all sides.
Now some people will make the mistake of thinking that I mean outside pressures only, but no I mean ALL sides inside as well as out.
We have hormones raging inside us wanting to experience a feeling of release and that comes from… SEX.
That is the inside pressure, we also see it all over. Not just in pornography either. There is literally NO way to escape from the whole sex thing.
It is in the movies we see, it is in the books we read, it is taught at school, our peers talk it about, it is on TV
It is EVERYWHERE.
We cannot escape it and sometimes we even seek it because, heaven help us, it is so addictive and it makes us feel so good!
The release of sexual pressure brings all kinds of other release with it. Stress reduction, emotional and physical. It releases endorphins that make us feel good, even giddy. And frankly like a junkie we can crave that feeling.
But because of all the conversations we have in school, at work, while playing a friendly game… wherever. And because of all the pressure society throws at us we have ideas of what we want to try. We need to make sure that our prospective wives or husbands also are open to trying those things too.
Now as a father of girls I want to briefly talk to you ladies.
If your guy/man reads this and comes to you saying, “Hey baby I wanna try oral sex!” or something else like that, first of all do not blame me for the corny approach, that was all him.
Second of all, if that is not your thing, feel free to say, “I am not interested in trying that.” He may find this to be a “downer”, especially if he DID start out with that corny line. But first you need to respect yourself and you also need to respect him.
Third of all even if you are interested in what he is proposing WAIT until you are married. You can say something like… “ Hey that sounds like something I would like to try but it will need to wait till I am married to you.”
While you are at it this is an EXCELLENT time to talk about what you want and what he wants to try sexually.
By the way, if I might digress here, do NOT use this as a point to pressure him into marrying you. Be honest with him and with yourself. Trapping someone in a marriage because you think that’s what you want is not the answer… you have got to know!
Guys… HINT, HINT!!! Read what I just wrote to the girls. Do not pressure your potential wife to do something she isn’t interested in, and really do not try to make her do it right now. Wait for it, respect her, and respect yourself.
Save it for the honeymoon. But you do need to have this conversation at some time. Maybe it could start out with a little, “hey I am curious, what would you think of the idea of oral sex?” keep it light at first, believe me it will get heavy enough as you go on.
Do this in a way that is innocent and by the way, if you start to feel your control slipping STOP the conversation. You do NOT want this to turn into a loss of control which you will later regret.
Instead you can change the subject, after all there is more to life than sex. And there are other things that can trip you up in life. Talk about money, is she a spender? Is he? Do you like Chinese food? Does he hate it? Do you like Mexican food? Does she fear to eat Mexican because it might “make her gassy”?
These are things that it is good to know. After all if you like the Hawaiian style pizza and she prefers pepperoni ONE of you is going to be unhappy, and that can be almost as bad as the sex thing.
Parents, I want to approach another angle to this, one that I have, so far, neglected. You may be thinking, “boy I didn’t know this could be such a problem. I will take away my son’s/daughter’s t.v. watching privileges.”
The thing is if it isn’t the TV, then it is the movies.
You take away the movies and it is the computer.
You take away the computer and it is the books s/he is getting at the library.
You take away the books and it is their peers in little league, boy scouts or girl scouts.
You take away the extra curricular activities and it is the friends and classmates at school.
You put them in a Christian or magnet school? That changes nothing.
You homeschool them and it is the social networking you have to develop to socialize them.
It is in their youth groups at church. It is SOMEWHERE in their lives.
Like I said these pressures are literally everywhere. S/He has questions and you need to have the answers.
OR you need to make sure you surround them with people who have good answers. The proper answers.
Sexual immorality is very damaging. And I believe that a lot of people fall into that trap because they have not really thought it all the way through. They have not come to terms with what they like or who they are and instead they live a life that is forced on them by society.
I once read about people who are “asexual”. They have no desire to have any kind of sex at all. A lot of “regular” people interviewed for the article simply could NOT fathom the idea. They had no concept. Some of those “regulars” asserted that it just “couldn’t be true” and that the “asexuals” were “denying their real emotions.”
After reading the article myself I had absolutely no doubt that these people were exactly as they claimed. (Odd as it might seem to me…) but if those “regulars” had, had their way those people would have been forced into something they were not made for.
If they did not have a strong sense of self they might have been led into a lifestyle that would have made them miserable and left them trying one thing after another to try to make up for their supposed inadequacies.
In our society today we have a large amount of people who do not know who they are, emotionally, physically or spiritually. And we do them a disservice in not allowing them to find out for themselves instead forcing them into molds we (meaning society) make for them.
Again, for the record, I am not condoning any aberrations.
It is possible, I think, that some people are led to sexual deviance simply because society tells them “hey you don’t like that? Then you must be one of them.” (Substitute what you will for “that” and “them”)
Anyway those are my “profound” (shnork) thoughts on the subject of preparing for marriage. I hope that when you do get married you have a full and happy life, with the husband/wife who makes your life whole as I have done myself.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Am I analog, Or digital?
I recently had a series of experiences which made me think of this post.
A few weeks ago my daughter was asking, “what is your earliest memory?” Then a few nights ago while I was listening to the radio the host said that he came from an analog generation and kids today are raised in a digital generation.
The two concepts merged in my mind and I thought about it musically. One of my memories from my childhood was of me getting up VERY early in the morning and going to the living room and listening to a record on my portable little turntable in the corner of the living room. (I liked a “story” record titled the ballad of Hector the stowaway dog.)
And then I thought about the way we have listened to music over the course of my life. I was listening to records when I was a child then when I was a youth Walkman’s were all the craze (and “boomboxes”) But there were also 8 tracks still floating around. Then in the ‘80s we started seeing C.D.’s coming into our awareness and now we have mp3’s and digital music.
I thought that it was interesting that within my lifetime there have been so MANY changes in the way we listen to music. (And watch movies and communicate.) But as I thought about it I realized that there has been more change in the past thirty years than there really has in the 100 years before that.
Think about it. When I was a child, things were a LOT different than they are now. Car seats were little more than an automotive booster seat, now they are practically self-encapsulated modules, which only need a little adjustment to be space fairer worthy. (They need to be enclosed the rest of the way and have an oxygen pack.)
The idea that you could tell what gender your baby was going to be was tantamount to witchcraft, and while people thought we would have flying cars by now they really didn’t consider how they might be fueled.
Nowadays we have “Eco friendly” cars like hybrids, we have sciences and arts that would be totally foreign in concept to any of us IF THEY WERE PRESENTED TO US BACK THEN.
We can download a song to our computer or I pod or I phone or whatever.
I remember the only way to get those songs individually as a young man was to hope the radio would play it and I could record it with a tape deck. Of course I could always go out and buy the tape in the music store.
And that’s another thing what about our shopping? I remember we had a few options for shopping when I was a kid. We could go to J.C. Penney or Sears or Montgomery wards, and if they didn’t have what we wanted… well maybe they could find it in a catalog to get it for you.
NOW??? Oh hey let me look at Amazon (or Ebay or …) and wham bam thank you… and here it is. You might have to wait a few days but there it is.
With digital it is even more instant. Want a song? Click it’s yours. How about a book? Well with your Kindle or nook (or other device) again click there you have it.
I know that in other post/s I have praised some of these devices but really there was something enjoyable in the wait, the anticipation would be almost as pleasurable as the owning.
With the old ways, even if they could order it, it still would take a few weeks to get to you. Weeks of dreaming what it would be like to open the box to take out the ____________ (fill in the blank), and then to use it. If it was clothes to wear it, if it was music to listen to it if it was a book to read it…!
So I really understand what the guy on the radio was saying. My dad, God rest his soul, Never had the chance to see a digital player. (But he did have quite the collection of 8 tracks once). And I have to wonder… there are entire generations of people who didn’t see any real significant changes in technology like this.
For a couple of generations the only real option people had for storing and archiving their music was records or phonographs. Another generation had the added potential in audiotape.
But in just MY own one generation we went from records and tape through to an mp3 small enough you could mistake it for a pack of gum. (Or smaller).
Now that is pretty amazing. But it does bring up a concern for me. Oh not a worry really but… well, My children will never remember what the world was like without Blue rays (let alone D.V.D.’s) they will never realize what a party line was, at least not like you would if you experienced it. And they will not get to know the ticklish anticipation of waiting for that special something you ordered to get there.
That last sentence reminds me of the scene in the Music man, where the whole town is crowded in the street singing “the Well’s Fargo wagon is a coming”. But really that is what we are leaving behind. Is it good? I don’t know for sure.
I miss records and the memories, which spring from the pops and hisses of the needle in the grooves. I would love to own a record player still today. And it kind of makes me sad to think that A LOT of my experiences are now only going to be “shared” by “history buffs” but on the other hand music has NEVER been so portable.
And it is really nice, as I get older and I want to use my time more wisely, to have the opportunity to get what I want to read or hear NOW instead of waiting for it.
Well Que sera sera. I suppose that the future will be just as amazing. I can’t wait.
A few weeks ago my daughter was asking, “what is your earliest memory?” Then a few nights ago while I was listening to the radio the host said that he came from an analog generation and kids today are raised in a digital generation.
The two concepts merged in my mind and I thought about it musically. One of my memories from my childhood was of me getting up VERY early in the morning and going to the living room and listening to a record on my portable little turntable in the corner of the living room. (I liked a “story” record titled the ballad of Hector the stowaway dog.)
And then I thought about the way we have listened to music over the course of my life. I was listening to records when I was a child then when I was a youth Walkman’s were all the craze (and “boomboxes”) But there were also 8 tracks still floating around. Then in the ‘80s we started seeing C.D.’s coming into our awareness and now we have mp3’s and digital music.
I thought that it was interesting that within my lifetime there have been so MANY changes in the way we listen to music. (And watch movies and communicate.) But as I thought about it I realized that there has been more change in the past thirty years than there really has in the 100 years before that.
Think about it. When I was a child, things were a LOT different than they are now. Car seats were little more than an automotive booster seat, now they are practically self-encapsulated modules, which only need a little adjustment to be space fairer worthy. (They need to be enclosed the rest of the way and have an oxygen pack.)
The idea that you could tell what gender your baby was going to be was tantamount to witchcraft, and while people thought we would have flying cars by now they really didn’t consider how they might be fueled.
Nowadays we have “Eco friendly” cars like hybrids, we have sciences and arts that would be totally foreign in concept to any of us IF THEY WERE PRESENTED TO US BACK THEN.
We can download a song to our computer or I pod or I phone or whatever.
I remember the only way to get those songs individually as a young man was to hope the radio would play it and I could record it with a tape deck. Of course I could always go out and buy the tape in the music store.
And that’s another thing what about our shopping? I remember we had a few options for shopping when I was a kid. We could go to J.C. Penney or Sears or Montgomery wards, and if they didn’t have what we wanted… well maybe they could find it in a catalog to get it for you.
NOW??? Oh hey let me look at Amazon (or Ebay or …) and wham bam thank you… and here it is. You might have to wait a few days but there it is.
With digital it is even more instant. Want a song? Click it’s yours. How about a book? Well with your Kindle or nook (or other device) again click there you have it.
I know that in other post/s I have praised some of these devices but really there was something enjoyable in the wait, the anticipation would be almost as pleasurable as the owning.
With the old ways, even if they could order it, it still would take a few weeks to get to you. Weeks of dreaming what it would be like to open the box to take out the ____________ (fill in the blank), and then to use it. If it was clothes to wear it, if it was music to listen to it if it was a book to read it…!
So I really understand what the guy on the radio was saying. My dad, God rest his soul, Never had the chance to see a digital player. (But he did have quite the collection of 8 tracks once). And I have to wonder… there are entire generations of people who didn’t see any real significant changes in technology like this.
For a couple of generations the only real option people had for storing and archiving their music was records or phonographs. Another generation had the added potential in audiotape.
But in just MY own one generation we went from records and tape through to an mp3 small enough you could mistake it for a pack of gum. (Or smaller).
Now that is pretty amazing. But it does bring up a concern for me. Oh not a worry really but… well, My children will never remember what the world was like without Blue rays (let alone D.V.D.’s) they will never realize what a party line was, at least not like you would if you experienced it. And they will not get to know the ticklish anticipation of waiting for that special something you ordered to get there.
That last sentence reminds me of the scene in the Music man, where the whole town is crowded in the street singing “the Well’s Fargo wagon is a coming”. But really that is what we are leaving behind. Is it good? I don’t know for sure.
I miss records and the memories, which spring from the pops and hisses of the needle in the grooves. I would love to own a record player still today. And it kind of makes me sad to think that A LOT of my experiences are now only going to be “shared” by “history buffs” but on the other hand music has NEVER been so portable.
And it is really nice, as I get older and I want to use my time more wisely, to have the opportunity to get what I want to read or hear NOW instead of waiting for it.
Well Que sera sera. I suppose that the future will be just as amazing. I can’t wait.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Kindle-icious
Relatively recently I got a Kindle.
At the time of the purchase I was a little bit leery but they enticed me with one simple statement; “you can store up to 3,000 books on it.”
That sounded like a good deal to me. See here is the thing I am a rapacious reader, I LOVE to read!
And the thought of having access to several books at once STRONGLY appeals to me.
I have been known to go through a book a day (literally) and some books only take me a couple of hours.
I must say I am very pleased with that aspect of the Kindle! I hear a lot of people complain about the idea. “oh I like the tactile sensation of a book, the paper the contrasts…” (My mom) or “who wants to read that many books at once? Besides it must be hard to read in the sun.” (a radio talk show host).
I want to address my mom’s point. I like the sensation of turning the pages and I will admit there is something very satisfying about closing the back cover on a book you just read. And yes these things are slightly lacking on a Kindle. BUT I do NOT like having to fight with a book because it was bound to tight and keeps trying to close on me. I do NOT like having to glue my paper back books together because the bindings break too easily. And I do not like how after a few hours my thumb starts to hurt trying to hold a book open while I am totally engrossed in it.
I also don’t like when I reach a point where I am really into the book and then I drop the book or I put my book down and the kids knock it down and lose my place.
All these points that I do NOT like are negated in the Kindle.
As for the, “who wants to read that many books at once…”
Let me use this scenario, I am going on vacation to visit my wife’s family in New Jersey… I want to take along something to read. What will I want to read for the week that we are there? I might want to read Sci-Fi or a western or a mystery. Do I want to carry 14 or 15 books in my luggage? NO!!! But with a Kindle I can carry all of these and more so I have some choice.
More than that I can find “hard to find” or “out of print” books easily, I can instantly find the sequel to the book I just read and I can do it all without having to wait an interminable time or wasting my gas trying to get to the bookstore.
I also like that I can receive newspaper subscriptions/magazines wherever I am.
It is lighter to carry and easier to deal with. It is just like reading a regular book in appearance and I have yet to find a really glaring problem.
The battery lasts a long time on a charge, and over all I think it is a great device to have handy. I would change a few things though…
(1) I would make it lighted/light-able for nighttime use.
(2) I would give people the option to customize the pictures that are on the screen when it is in standby mode.
(3) I would automatically include a protective cover. (It costs $140.00 give me something to protect my investment.)
(4) I would like to see the “5-way” buttons easier sized for someone like me who’s fingers are not the size of a molecule.
So there you go. That is how I feel about it.
At the time of the purchase I was a little bit leery but they enticed me with one simple statement; “you can store up to 3,000 books on it.”
That sounded like a good deal to me. See here is the thing I am a rapacious reader, I LOVE to read!
And the thought of having access to several books at once STRONGLY appeals to me.
I have been known to go through a book a day (literally) and some books only take me a couple of hours.
I must say I am very pleased with that aspect of the Kindle! I hear a lot of people complain about the idea. “oh I like the tactile sensation of a book, the paper the contrasts…” (My mom) or “who wants to read that many books at once? Besides it must be hard to read in the sun.” (a radio talk show host).
I want to address my mom’s point. I like the sensation of turning the pages and I will admit there is something very satisfying about closing the back cover on a book you just read. And yes these things are slightly lacking on a Kindle. BUT I do NOT like having to fight with a book because it was bound to tight and keeps trying to close on me. I do NOT like having to glue my paper back books together because the bindings break too easily. And I do not like how after a few hours my thumb starts to hurt trying to hold a book open while I am totally engrossed in it.
I also don’t like when I reach a point where I am really into the book and then I drop the book or I put my book down and the kids knock it down and lose my place.
All these points that I do NOT like are negated in the Kindle.
As for the, “who wants to read that many books at once…”
Let me use this scenario, I am going on vacation to visit my wife’s family in New Jersey… I want to take along something to read. What will I want to read for the week that we are there? I might want to read Sci-Fi or a western or a mystery. Do I want to carry 14 or 15 books in my luggage? NO!!! But with a Kindle I can carry all of these and more so I have some choice.
More than that I can find “hard to find” or “out of print” books easily, I can instantly find the sequel to the book I just read and I can do it all without having to wait an interminable time or wasting my gas trying to get to the bookstore.
I also like that I can receive newspaper subscriptions/magazines wherever I am.
It is lighter to carry and easier to deal with. It is just like reading a regular book in appearance and I have yet to find a really glaring problem.
The battery lasts a long time on a charge, and over all I think it is a great device to have handy. I would change a few things though…
(1) I would make it lighted/light-able for nighttime use.
(2) I would give people the option to customize the pictures that are on the screen when it is in standby mode.
(3) I would automatically include a protective cover. (It costs $140.00 give me something to protect my investment.)
(4) I would like to see the “5-way” buttons easier sized for someone like me who’s fingers are not the size of a molecule.
So there you go. That is how I feel about it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Ooopssie
I realize that there has been a hiatus from my blog/s of late.
I would like to apologize for that hiatus.
Really there were a number of contributing factors including the break down of all the computers in our house, and a lack of motivation on my part.
The good news is I am back; and while I may not be to strenuous about posting to my blogs for a while at least you know I am still here and I will be trying to get my words out there again.
I would like to apologize for that hiatus.
Really there were a number of contributing factors including the break down of all the computers in our house, and a lack of motivation on my part.
The good news is I am back; and while I may not be to strenuous about posting to my blogs for a while at least you know I am still here and I will be trying to get my words out there again.
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